*mature content: mentioning starvation, cutting, overdosing, and other suicidal things. if that triggers you then don't read this chapter*
i woke up noticing im not at my house. i look to me left and see grayson cuddled up next to me sound asleep. i didn't want to wake him so i layed there and scrolled through insta then decided to post a picture.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
liked by hannahash, ethandolan, nategarner, and 968,637 others
shayliemarie- just me enjoying the sun that's obviously not there
📸~hannahash
view all 936,726 comments hannahash- bitch i am the sun🌞 ethandolan- you need the sun👀 jk ily best friend hannahash- ethandolan dont you dare try to take MY best friend user1- shaylie suddenly looks a lot skinnier👀 user2- user1 she's obviously starving herself to look good for grayson user3- idk how grayson could ever love someone who has to try this hard ethandolan- user2 user3 dude wtf. yea she might look skinnier but you hoeasses dont need to just assume she's doing something bad. she's probably just working out more. user4- yea right. she obviously realized she's not good enough for grayson🙄 shayliemarie has disabled the comments
shayliemarie has deactivated her instagram
after reading all those comments, i realized they were right. i was pathetic and knew i wasn't good enough. i didnt want to cry cause i didn't want to wake grayson up so i slowly got up and left a note for grayson.
dear grayson,
i have already left and i think it's for the best. please dont come looking for me because it wont do anything. if you want to know why i left just look at my instagram. i heard what you said last night, i love you too grayson. but this is for the best. goodbye.
shaylie
and with that i left. i headed out the door quietly and went to my car crying. i couldnt handle this hate anymore. it's been happening for too long. once i got to my house, i went upstairs and grabbed a few things and left a similar note for hannah. then i left and went to my hiding place for moments like these.
as i drove, i thought about everything i did wrong and i knew everyone was right. i arrived at my little shack in the woods that i made a few years ago. i made this place to have somewhere to go when i needed to get away from everything. it was a little fort looking thing hidden in some trees that looked over the cliff onto the ocean.
i went to it and sat down and just thought about it all. yes, i was starving myself. i was doing it because i thought grayson would think im fat due to the diabetes. i was doing it all for him and they all knew. i went in my bag and pulled out the things i grabbed. in front of me layed pills, my blades, a rope just in case, my water bottle and my phone.
i grabbed the pills and stared at them for a little then grabbed my water bottle. i then took the whole thing and chugged a bit of water. i then grabbed one of my blades and slid it across my forearm and wrist, about 5 times on each side. i stood up and headed over to the cliff.
as i was walking, i heard a car pull up. i turned around to see grayson's baby blue porsche and i immediately broke down crying. the car stopped and grayson got out, followed by hannah and ethan, all running towards me. they all stopped when the saw the blood dropping down my arms and grayson looked at me with so much hurt in his eyes.
"was this because of me? you really did all this to be perfect for me? shaylie you are far more than perfect to me and you dont need to do this. this is all my fault." he screamed the last part as he fell to his knees crying.
hannah and ethan on the other hand were already crying and ran up to me to help. ethan then ran back to the car and pulled out a first aid kit while hannah grabbed my stuff then dragged me back to the car. hannah sat inside the car with me cleaning up my arms while ethan was outside talking to grayson.
they eventually came back to the car and grayson got in the passenger seat. neither of them looked at me due to the fact that ethan was driving and grayson was already too hurt to look at what happened. as hannah was cleaning up my arms, she looked up at me, her eyes filled with hurt, concern, and worry.
"what else did you do shaylie.." she softly whispered.
"nothing else, j-just the cuts." i said looking away from her.
"shaylie i can tell when you're lying. what else did you do??" she asked once again but this time raising her voice.
by this time grayson was looking back at us, crying, while ethan was taking small glances at what was happening in the backseat.
"f-fine....i a-also took s-some p-pills" i said stuttering because i was scared of what grayson might do...or even all of them.
grayson then hit the dashboard and ethan swerved onto a new street going in a different direction.
"e-ethan where a-are y-you going??" i said getting confused.
"im taking you to a fucking hospital shaylie."
"oh.....h-hey g-guys..." i said looking at them.
"yes baby?" grayson said speaking for the first time since we left the area.
"is the car spinning for anyone else?" i said slightly laughing then falling into hannah's arms. "im sooo d-dizzy"
grayson immediately unbuckled himself to turn around completely and hold my hand.
"shhh baby it's gonna be okay. we're getting close to the hospital and then you'll be perfectly fine" he said smiling thorugh the tears.
that smile. that smile that could melt any girls heart was the last thing i saw before everything went black.
