Drowning

Chapter eleven-how could you

Cole got out of the rehab place yesterday. He has an apartment now because the hospital found out about Tom. I haven't talked to him yet, I'm afraid to. I finally call Heather.
"Allie! You called, how are you?" Heather asks.
"I'm well not gonna lie, shitty. Cole got out of the rehab mental place and I haven't talked to him." I tell her.
"Oh Allie. I don't know but you definitely have to talk to him, I mean you love him right?" She asks.
"Yes. So much." I tell her and I really do. I don't know why and I can't explain this if you asked but I love him more then anything.
"Then call him." She says.
"You don't think I should wait for him to call me given everything." I say.
"Maybe yeah." She says.
"Ok. Talk later Heather." I say hanging up. I want to call Cole really bad but I don't think I can, it hurts. I just go to bed.
I jump straight up in the middle of night to the sound of my window sliding. Cole, he closes the window and stands there. I just look at him, my dad is still away and my mom is still working. It's only eleven thirty to be far. He comes over and couches near my bed so he's looking up at me. My eyes tear up just looking at him.
"Why?" I ask harsher then I mean to.
"You got the message." He says quietly.
"Oh you mean your suicide note phone call? Yeah I got it because your boss called me that you weren't there." I snap. I'm mad and I don't know why, I'm glad to see him because I love him but I'm mad.
"Allie, I don't know what to say." He tells me.
"Oh really?" I ask harshly.
"I'm sorry." He breaths out.
"Oh you sorry. Sorry for what? Trying to kill yourself after you knew how bad Sarah's death was for me? Or was it the calling me to say goodbye? Oh maybe for putting me through the emotional trauma of finding you." I snap, angry rising.
"I'm so sorry." He says.
"I told you how much I love you every fucking day. And that wasn't enough was it." I say tears threatening to spill over.
"I know, but I love you so much Allie I do." He says.
"Then why were you gonna leave me?!" I ask the tears finally spilling and I cry. I brake down and sob, he's sitting in my bed but I sifted away. I'm hurt and mad.
"Allie. I don't have an excuse, and I know it took you awhile to forgive Sarah but I really love you. I do." He says.
"You don't hurt the people you love. You don't swallow a hole thing of pills for the people you say you love to find you half dead!" I yell. I know it's not far but I don't care.
"God Allie I never met for you to find me." He says.
"Oh well that makes up for it! It doesn't matter what you meant, I did. And even if I haven't I'd still be spilt in two inside." I tell him crying my eyes out. I'm shaking and I can see that he wants to hold me but he doesn't know if he can anymore. I want him to but I also don't.
"Baby come on don't cry." He says.
"Don't, that's not far. You know I love when you call me that, so don't right now" I snap.
"Allie please. I'm so so sorry. But I'm better now, the place and anti depression meds, my mom and Tom legally can't come near me. Please." He begs.
"You were goons leave me. I love you. And you were just gonna leave, you didn't care!" I snap.
"Allie. I love you, I'm so glad you found me because I love you so much. The whole time I was at the mental place I was thinking how bad I wanted you. When I woke up and they told me what happened, I wanted you." He tells me.
"Did Heather tells you what that did to me? Huh? It killed me hell it still is. I laid in bed when my mom brought me food, called out of work and school, only texted with Heather, and only got up to shower." I tell him.
"I get it m, I put you through hell. I'll just leave." He says standing up. I grad his arm.
"Don't. Please don't leave, not again." I tell him.
"Can I lay?" He asks.
"Yes please. Just.. don't leave me." I say pulling him lightly to the bed. I move over and he lays next to me, he puts his arm around me and I snuggle close to him.
"Are you wearing my clothes?" He asks.
"Yeah. I took a sweatshirt and sweatpants from your room." I say.
"They look good on you. Keep them." He says. I notice he's wearing short sleeves.
"Hey your wearing short sleeves." I say.
"Yeah, I figured it was time to move on form the hiding it." He says.
"That's great." I tell him. "When are you going back to school?"
"I'm not. I dropped out." He tells me.
"What?" I ask.
"I told you I know college wasn't for me, so why keep going." He says.
"Cole-" I start but he cuts me off.
"Allie, it's better if I don't. When you get into Juilliard, I can go to New York with you.... if you want me to." He says.
"Cole of course I want you to. I never want you to leave me again, can't you just stay here." I say.
"I guess I could but I don't think your parents would like that." He says.
"Then maybe I can stay with you at the apartment." I say.
"I would love that but I don't think your parents would like that either." He tells me giving my shoulder a squeeze.
"I'm eighteen." I point out.
"Allie baby, I love you so much and I will tell you that everyday but I don't want to make your parents mad or cross a line." He tells me.
"I love you and don't take this as me being crazy, I just want to be with you all the time. I almost lost you and I never wanna go through that again." I say hugging him more.
"You won't. I want you with me too, I just don't wanna cause any more problems." He says.
"Let me worry about that." I say laying my head on his chest.
"Alright." He says.
"Really?" I ask.
"Yeah, move in with me." Cole says.
"Ok." I say kissing him. God I missed kissing him.
"I missed that." He tells me.
"Read my mind." I whisper kissing him again. I snuggle into him and before I know it, I fall asleep.
I wake up to light shakes and kisses.
"Babe." Cole says kissing me again. "Babe." He kisses me again. "Allie." He kisses me on the neck.
"I'm up Cole." I say kissing him.
"It's about time. I've been trying to get you up for three minutes." He says.
"I know. I just wanted you to keep kissing me." I say playing with his hair.
"Smart girl." He says kissing my neck I giggle.
"Allie do you-oh!" My mom says when she walks in all of a sodden.
"I'm sorry. I can go." Cole says.
"No no. Please it's ok. Do you want breakfast you two?" My mom asks.
"Uh sure." I say.
"Yes please. Thank you." Cole tells her.
"Ok. Just keep the door open." My mom says going back down stairs.
"That was weird." Cole says.
"I don't know. I think she's just glad I'm not crying right now." I say.
"I'm so sorry." He says. I go on top of him and take his face in my hands.
"Your here and that's all that matters to me." I tell him. He smiles and I get up to go down stairs.
"You gotta wear my clothes more often." He says following me.
I can tell my mom is starting at Cole's arms, she probably doesn't notice that he's shifting uncomfortably but I do.
"Mom stop." I tell her grading Cole's arm.
"I'm gonna get more juice from the basement." Cole says walking out of the room.
"What Allie?" My mom asks.
"You were staring at his arms. It was bothering him." I tell her.
"Don't be so over dramatic. I'm sure you do the same." She says
"No I don't. I guess this is a good time to mention I'm moving in with him." I say.
"Alison no your not. You have to finish school." My mom snaps.
"I'm eighteen I can, and I'm still gonna go to school mom." I tell her.
"If you think I'm letting you move in with someone so unstable-" She starts but I cut her off.
"Unstable? He's better now." I say the anger rising in my tone.
"Oh honey I know he is for now, but one day he'll stop taking the meds because he thinks it's fine and then your right back here again." She says.
"I can't believe you. Screw this, I'll pack a bag and then I'm gone." I say walking out of the room. I'm putting my clothes in a bag when Cole comes in.
"Do you believe her?" Cole asks, I know what he means.
"Shit you heard." I say still packing.
"Do you believe her?" He asks again.
"No. I know you and I want to be with you." I tell him. I'm just about done packing, he wraps his arms around my waist from behind me.
"Good." He whispers in my ear. I lean behind me so I can kiss him. It makes my smile.
"I have to finish packing." I tell him.
"Done." He says putting the rest of my clothes into the bag. I put the bag of chips in with the note still tape on them, and I zip the bag. I have all I really need so I leave my mom a note and get in Cole's car.
"Let's go home." I say as he drives off.
The apartment is nice, the kitchen is big enough for both of us to be in and the couch is comfortable as is the bed. I wouldn't care if it was a bad apartment I just wanna be with Cole.
"You like it?" Cole asks.
"I do, it's really nice." I tell him.
"Yeah. And this is for you." He says holding out two different keys one car and one house.
"You just happen to have an extra car and apartment key?" I ask taking and adding them to my key ring.
"I stole the car one from my mom, not that she uses it. And they gave me two keys when got the place." He explains.
"Nice. And the apartment is right down the street from work, I can walk." I point out.
"Yeah and Heather can walk back with you. See easy hang out space." He says.
"I should probably call her." I say hitting her contact on my phone. I put it on speaker and Cole starts putting my clothes away for me.
"Hey Allie!" Heather chimes when she picks up.
"Hey Heather." I say.
"Hi Heather." Cole tells from the bedroom.
"Was that Cole? Hi Cole!" She yells!
"Yeah. I wanted to let you know that I actually moved in with him, in the apartment building down the road from work." I tell her.
"Omg! Really? That's so cool girl!" She cheers.
"Yeah I know, don't worry I'm still going to school though. I need you to pick me up everyday though, we only have the one car and Cole needs it for work." I say.
"Oh yeah for sure, I got you. I gotta go, big test tomorrow." She says.
"Right. I'll be back tomorrow so don't forget. Bye." I hang up.
"Your going back tomorrow?" Cole asks when I walk in the bedroom.
"Yeah. I should be getting replies from the schools I applied to soon." I say.
"Your gonna get in." He says.
"I don't know. And New York is so far and expensive." I say.
"Hey, I know it's far but that's ok and I'll figure something out so we can rent a place near the campus." He tells me. I smile I have a feeling this is gonna be great.