Drowning

Chapter three- Sarah

It's funny how one moment can stay with you forever, and I have a feeling too many of them stay with Cole. I know what happened with Sarah will stay with me forever, I'll never fully forgive myself for not seeing it before. I still can't believe she's gone, it was one of the worst days of my life. She was sinking and we didn't see it. I remember it like it was an hour ago; I walk into the house after a long day of school.
"Sarah, are you home?" I call into the house. She comes down the stairs.
"Yeah I'm home. But I'm going out to get some stuff." She says picking up her bag.
"Oh get more lays chips please, the sour cream and onion ones." I tell her.
"Ok. I love you Allie." She says hugging me, this is odd.
"Umm I love you too. Is everything ok?" I ask her.
"It will be." She tells me.
"Ok well I have to run out to the lake and meet Clare. So I'll see you later." I tell her on her way out the door. Then I go and get my bathing suit on for the lake. I went to the lake with my friend for about an hour, I expected to share the chips with Sarah when I got home but I didn't; I walk up the house and go inside my mom has a coffee cup out but the chair is knocked over. I go and pick it up.
"AAAHH!" My mom screams, I run upstairs to her. And I see it, Sarah on her bedroom floor blood all over and my mom's gun in her hand.
"Sarah!" I yell in shock.
"Allie call 911! Alison call 911!" My mom yells at me. I get my phone and I call.... by the time I called it was to late. My sister was gone, I remember walking into my room after everything and seeing the bag of chips I asked Sarah to get for me. I remember crying all over again she had even written a note with the chips that I still have. I didn't forget about your chips. I never opened the bag of chips ether, I still have them. One day I'll eat them, but today is not that day, I know what happened with Sarah is the reason my mom always asks if I'm ok with every little thing. She used to be a cop but after Sarah, she can't even look at a gun anymore. She blames herself I think we all blame ourselves. It's been four months and I know moving was the right thing to do, it wasn't because there were to many memories or anything. We actually loved the memories we had of her in that house, it was the people. They all acted like they were so sorry about what happened when they were the ones that made her hate herself. My mom kept her note in a file in the basement. I walk down the stairs and open the file, it's on the top. Dear Mom, Dad and Allie,
This just isn't the place for me. Everyone hates me, the kids at school all think I'm a waste they tell me everyday. Allie is their but somehow she messed all the things they'd say to me, do to me. My life has turned into a curse, and everyone always says life doesn't get any easier only harder. I don't want that, I can't handle that. It's hard enough as it is I can't see it getting any better. Mom I took your gun, I hope it doesn't get you in trouble at work if it does I'm sorry. I'll add it to the list of things a made worse. Dad your never around, you haven't been home in three weeks. Maybe you'll come home when you hear this and be there for Allie. Allie I'm sorry, but I got your chips. Take care of yourself. I love you all, and I'm sorry.
-Sarah.
I finish reading and start crying again, I don't know why I keep doing this.
"Allie? What are you doing honey?" My mom asks. I turn I hadn't seen her come down.
"Oh I was just umm looking for a lipstick I lent to Sarah one time." I lie.
"You were reading the note again?" She asks.
"Yeah, I'm sorry mom." I tell her.
"That's ok honey." She says smiling.
"I just miss her mom." I say close the box with the file.
"I know. I do too, your dad will be done with dinner soon." She says. I nod and go up stairs with her. Dad has been home more like Sarah asked but still not enough. We eat in quite not ever knowing what to say anymore. But it's ok, it'll be ok. It has to be for Sarah. Oh god I was doing so good with moving on, all this stuff with Cole is being it back. I want to help him I feel like I have to for letting my sister down like I did. I know it's silly to keep a bag of chips but after Sarah died I just can't open them. It's all I have left of her.
I walk up to Heather's house and there's kids walking in and out of the house to the pool. I walk up in my new suit and try to find Heather.
"Allie! Girl get your ass over here!" She calls from the pool side, she's bubbly as always.
"Hey Heather, cool party." I say giving her a hug.
"Omg I love your suit. Girl!" She cheers.
"Are you drunk?" I ask.
"No, just excited to be here." She says. I roll my eyes. I walk over to the cooler for a soda.
"Kinda slutty don't you think?" Cole asks from my left.
"Excuse me?" I ask clearly offended.
"Your suit. You look like a slut. Are you a slut Allie?" He asks me mockingly.
"No. How dare you even think that based on my suit." I snap at him.
"Well you look like a slut don't be surprised if it bites you in the ass." He says.
"Woah there. At least I'm wearing a suit, it's a pool party." I say.
"I don't swim. And I don't take my clothes off for people to stare like you." He says all tensed up.
"Chill the fuck out Cole. It's a pool party and your clearly drunk so stop." I snap.
"Yeah, I'm drunk as shit. But news flash, I do this every year and no one gives a shit so shut up." He snaps back. I hit my fists on the table he's out.
"Damn it Cole, people don't care because you don't let them. And the worst part is you know it and you still don't change it." I hiss.
"Oh yeah I'm the big bad wolf. At least I have self respect and don't dress like a fucking whore." He hisses right back.
"Oh please. You think I don't see you looking down the suit right now." I point out. His face goes red, check and mate. I win. He can't make a come back because he knows he was, even if you didn't realize it before.
"Like you didn't want me to. Isn't that the point." He fires backs. I was wrong he can make a come back.
"No that wasn't the point. This is the only one I have. Plus I feel hot so shove it." I snap.
"Oh you feel hot please. Like you need a suit to do that, fuck off." He says. Wait. Did he just basically call me hot?
"Did you just call me hot?" I ask.
"What. No. Fuck off." He says faster then he should. It's like I broke into a wall a bit and he paved it back up.
"Why do you do that? I'm trying to help you." I tell him.
"I don't need your help." He snaps.
"Oh yeah? I don't believe you." I say moving closer to him. As dark as he may be, he's still a guy and I'm half naked. It's not that noticeable but I see it, he sifts a bit nervously. Bingo, light. Then it's gone again and he moves forwards making me go backwards. Then he picks me up, carries me to the pool and throws me in.
"What the hell!" I yell. He bends over to face me.
"But hey at least you had that suit on." He mocks. I smirk, grad him by the jacket and pull him into the pool.
"Allie! The fuck!" He yells.
"Maybe you should have bought a suit." I mock.
"It's hard to swim in clothes." He complains.
"Oh please, your taller then I am and I  can stand here." I tell him. He glares and climbs out of the pool, he doesn't stop he walks right out of the gate of the house. His hat goes by me. I grad it and run after him.
"Cole! You forgot your hat." I say running over to him.
"Oh look the slut suit looks even worse wet." He snaps taking the hat.
"Yeah! I said it was the only one I had!" I yell back.
"Oh why? Did someone rip off the other, slut." He snaps. I don't know why he's being so mean or why I say what I do next.
"No because the last one I had, I was wearing the day my sister died!" I yell at him. His faces goes white.
"Allie-" He starts to say but I cut him off.
"Save it!" I yell then I walk back to the house. I'm so done with this, I start crying before I get in the house. I walk right past Heather into the bathroom.
"Allie?" Heather says knocking on the door.
"Go away please." I tell her.
"Allie, what's wrong? Let me in." She says.
"Heather please." I say crying.
"Was it Cole? I'll kick his ass." She says. I laugh a little and open the door.  She walks in and hugs me then closes it again.
"What happened?" She asks. So I tell her everything that happened and what I said to Cole outside.
"So that's it." I say to her.
"Oh my god. Allie I'm so sorry I had no idea your sister passed. What happened?" Heather says.
"Umm she ummm. She killed herself." I choke out.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." Heather says hugging me. I cry into her shoulder.
"What was her name?" She asks.
"Sarah." I reply.
"That's beautiful." She says.
"She was. I miss her." I say crying.
"Awww. Honey I'm so sorry. But it'll be ok. Your my best friend." She says.
"Your my best friend too." I tell her.
"Ok, you wanna go back to the party?" She asks.
"Yeah." I say drying my eyes. She smiles and we walk back out to the party. I'm mad at Cole but at the same time I'm thinking about the look on his face when I said my sister died. But still I can't believe him. The party ends and I'm walking out with Heather.
"Thanks, it was fun." I say to her.
"Really? Even with the Cole stuff?" She asks.
"Yeah, I'm just really mad at him." I say.
"I would be too but yeah you know what?" She says.
"What?" I ask.
"I think Sarah would be proud of you." She tells me.
"Thank you Heather, your the best." I tell her.
"I know." She says laughing. Then I get in my car and drive back home, and this time I feel like it'll be easier to go back. Telling Heather about Sarah now I have someone to talk to.
"I miss you Sarah, but I forgive you and I'm sorry." I say out loud.