Touched

Nine, The Bathroom

'is this who i am now?'

'... The interior of a pale blue walls of the cabin is the first thing I see, there's four women sitting at a small dining table with even smaller portions of food laid upon chipped glass plates, that are stained yellow beneath the meal. Their clothes are tattered and dirty, the eldest's woman sleeves are ripped up to her elbows; tied together in an attempt to look more regal than they are because it seems they too poor for new clothing.

I can hear the sounds of horses hooves hitting the ground outside their small house, the bustle of the street below them doesn't look very far away despite the fact they are on the second story. Occupying the little apartment above an empty welders', a grey and tired old man sitting dejected behind the counter.

Focusing back on the little table of their house, I notice Selena is sat in the middle, an irritated expression gracing her face as she stares unimpressed down at her barely filled plate. I want desperately to reach over and smooth the frown from her dirty face, but she stands before I can even process the thought.

"Wasn't Father supposed to bring home some more food?" She asks the old, stressed looking woman who I assume is her mother, black hair faded and speckled with grey that came too early.

"Yes Hunny, sometimes work is busy. You know how London is now, the 1760s may have brought business but poor economic growth is squashing us, and you know how hard it is to find employment for people like us. Your Dad may have a job, but the wages are worse; you should be grateful for what you have considering the hardship you added to the family"

"I am well aware of what I did to the family, you won't let me forget it" she states hardly, her eyes slipping to the two younger girls staring at there quarter filled plates with distain, the greenish hue deterring them from eating it. "But I will not marry a man I do not love, no matter what he promised the family"

"Oh, I assure you that either of your sisters would" her mother replies, nodding to the skinny girls with their sad and hollow features.

"Alas, I am not them mother and I will not apologise for not being content with giving up my chance at happiness, conforming to what they want, which is to keep me trapped within a lifestyle I do not wish to live"

"Life isn't fair Selena, I thought our life would have taught you better than this, we are needed for the continuation of a family name. To expect anything more is a grave mistake on your part"

"Is it so wrong to want more than what our society has deemed available? I am more than a vessel for heirs"

"No Selena, you aren't and the sooner you accept that fate the easier the rest of it will become, I will not marry your sisters off until they become of age"

"And what of their dreams?"

"And what of mine? You need to accept the future and retract your rejection from Mr. Vernan before it is too late"

"I will not" she refuses, "Do we have any spare money, Katy and Kylie haven't any food that isn't covered in mould"

"A couple pence in the jar in the cupboard, don't spend it all and hurry back, it's getting dark. I will not have my only eligible daughter be run off by rogue horses or young men" she snaps, collecting her plate and leaving to eat staring out the far window and away from the disappointment she deemed her family.

I sense impending darkness for Selena as she leaves the small convenience store a short walk from her family's small home. She spent the walk there muttering obscenities to herself about where she is living and what is expected of her; a small, dirty coat wrapped around her malnourished body.