Touched

Fourteen, Arrivals

'my type of torture'

I know exactly what I did last night and yet it doesn't feel real and I can't quite fathom my reality. All of these bouts of information have been constantly spewed at me since I got here, and yet none of it really sunk in until Rhydian fucked me on his work desk.

I don't know how I am ever supposed to go back there and not flush scarlet at the things I did, I can't even deal with Sel and Kyle making light-hearted jokes about our arrangement. So outright telling them about last night is off the agenda.

Without lying, I am hoping that maybe they will find out from Rhydian directly and then that way I don't have to admit anything, I don't want to stop sleeping with anyone, but I can't lie and say that I am confident in my decisions of polyamory. I kind of just thought I would sleep with Kyle and Sel a couple times to pass the time, not develop a relationship of some kind with them.

Then there's the added fact that I am having weird time-travel dreams to the past, where I have the honour of seeing all the people I love be killed, and an insight to the various and not very happy ways they were living prior to the curse.

The Rhydian that did those things had an agenda all of his own and one I know he will never share, probably because what was important then isn't as important now. It sounded like he was building a platform for his region application back then, Kyle would have been something more calculated based on family and strength circumstances. Whereas Sel was because she was Kyle's mate, and again, was her family going to miss her when she seemed to be such a burden?

It has made me wonder whether Monica has given up on me yet, whether she thinks I abandoned the only family she had with a staged kidnapping. Maybe she moved away and found a new best friend that has turned her life around and banished the sadness that would hang over our heads like a storm.

"Sel?" I call out from the bathroom, twisting the top half of my hair up and clipping it there.

Poking her head through the open door I see the wide smile on her face through the reflection on the mirror, "You called?"

"I have a somewhat odd question for you" I tell her, as she plants her ass next to the sink, looking down at me with those gorgeous brown eyes that I love.

"Hit me E!"

"Rhydian killed you" I blurt, wanting to smack myself in the face for the way it came out, great question Evelyn.

"That sounded more like a statement" she laughs, plaiting the end of her hair as she waits for me to continue. "But yeah, he did, I thought we went over this?"

"We did" I nod, "And I know you said that you were angry for a while, but it went away with time, it's just, I've been seeing more... and it's bringing up some new questions"

"Seeing things?" she repeats, and I nod. "Oh baby, that's traumatic as hell, Kyle or Rhydian?"

"Both" I wince, "All in one dream"

"Shit, that's not great. What'd you want to know?" I find it curious that she doesn't prod for what I saw, I figure that her and Kyle have spoken about what he went through, but I know she must be dying for Rhydian's story.

"It's about your family... I know you said things weren't great, but didn't you feel... sad or mad or something having left them like that?"

"I did go back eventually, to visit them. It was maybe eight years later, longer than I had wanted but there were things going on here that just pushed things back and I wanted Kyle to be able to come with me. I wanted to go earlier, but I was having some control issues and neither Kyle nor Rhydian trusted me around that many humans. I just felt so guilty, I thought to myself, the eldest daughter disappears, and I may have been a disappointment, but I was still loved and loved them"