Touched

Nineteen, Breakthrough

'a barrier is worth nothing when focused on revenge'

I used to be able to feel my heart beating in my chest and the steady rise and fall of my breathing, but they feel vacant now, I am emptier than before and not I thought that not to be possible until she second injection. Yet here I am a void of what once was but without cause or strength to change anything about the horrible predicament I have found myself in, maybe I could have before but the drive that was dwindling is very empty now.

The cell is eerily familiar and the distant memories of my last time here itch annoyingly at the back of my head, Cole and Mady poisoning me and then killing what made me; me. Stripping me of what I had strived so hard to keep, the only way to not fall into insanity; though it seems that through my rampage I have lost it anyway.

My better judgement nags at me to feel anything but satisfaction at the deaths I have caused but I am seemingly incapable of giving in, I feel nothing that can destroy the amount of pride I feel at completing even a slither of what I was made for. I know, in the murmurings of my better self-pushed to the back of my mind like a painful ball of emotions that I need to find a solution to the nightmare power that tingles in my fingertips.

I can smell blood and bleach, it is the familiar scent that helps me identify where I have been shoved once again, seemingly always smelling that way to cover up the stench of death and wash the blood from the walls. Though it is embedded into these old walls and I am unable to plug my nose when my wrists are bound in rotting silver shackles, the hard pressure digging into my flesh and causing deep red gashes to appear from tugging at them.

Through the digging of my psyche I have not found much in the answers of why, none of the information that I have come across has elevated any of the burning questions that I am full of. I know that my purpose is to wipe out the entirety of the vampire race but why, was it not known to the witches even then that this curse is not always a curse to those infected; also, how?

I'm not a practicing witch even if I have their capabilities but the continuous destruction of us vessels clues me into the major flaw of their plan, magic didn't stop the wiping out of their kind so why would it be the answer to wiping out theirs when they remain worlds stronger than us.

Every fighter before me was thrown into this unwilling and scared and many suffered worse than I will ever endure, though that thought does little to aid the pain, though I am beginning to wonder if that is the mate bound; shall it still exist within. That's another flaw, if these vampires are all so disgusting and vile why would the gods mate me to someone that fits that description, that is who I am supposed to annihilate.

I am incapable of that though; I know it even now as cold blood runs through me that I don't want to kill Rhydian though I may not have the control to stop the inevitable.

Rhydian has killed more people than I could even fathom, in war and in building the life that he lives here; I do not hold any judgement in that after what his mother did to him, but prices must be paid for the destruction of innocence.

Sometimes the price of that is more heart breaking that we want it to be, as for Selena and Kyle I know little of the lives they have taken but I know it does not compare to my mate, they lived miserably until Rhydian and they found each other and now, now I must be the one to break it. At least that is what Mady is hinting at, a mate bond for a mate bond.

She has me completely at her will and I cannot change it, I will forever be inferior to this species and will die at their hands, one way or another.

I feel my magic swimming around me though I am once again unable to act on it and the groans of pain emitting from somewhere else in this cell filled hallway alert me to why.