Touched

Twenty-Four, Cold

'blue fingertips'

I thought it would take longer than a week for me to completely fall apart but it seems my mind and body has become very reliant on the touch of a certain three vampires. I think subconsciously I had to have known that the cold feeling that I was sitting with the first day I arrived was more than just my bodies reaction to being near Edward.

Perhaps if we hadn't just consummated the bond it wouldn't have been as bad, the timeline of the heartbreak only meant the high and spark that I was thriving on was torn apart just as it was made. I'm so, so angry at Rhydian, not as much at the others because he is their master when it comes down to it, however, despite my anger my want for him hasn't wavered.

A group of people who banished me from the castle after claiming they loved me and wanted me safe, throwing me into a world that will never understand the power brewing inside me doesn't seem the wisest course of action. I have been desperately trying to understand the thought process of his decision after everything that has happened, but I haven't made any progress.

Every day is the same routine, I spend my day with Monica doing the various errands that Edward leaves for her to do, like she is earning her keep because Eddie made her quit her job to spend more time with her, not that he is ever there. Grocery shopping, poster making, speech writing. You name it, she has to do it.

I follow slowly, not taking anything in and barely answering her when she talks to me, I stand guard when she feeds and feel completely empty to the anger I would expect to feel. It's like I have been stripped of everything that would make me, me, my emotion and determination has gone down the drain. If I wasn't immune then I would think someone has compelled me to feel this way, like I have seen Rhydian do.

Eddie has told Edward that I am feeling unwell, presumably from the travel. I just nod from my bed or my spot on the couch, the less I speak the more information I learn because in their minds me feeling unwell means my ears don't work and I can't hear what they are saying.

It is suspicious that Edward has shown me that he believes everything I am saying about joining his cause and wanting what he does, claiming that this world I didn't know about makes so much sense.

The plans that Edward and Eddie have are extravagant and would be tremendously hard to pull off even if you did run the world. Getting control of the regions is one thing but killing the six vampires known as the royals will be a hard stunt to pull off, I keep my eyes trained on the wall whenever they pick up these conversations near me, but I always catch Edward's constant glances at me.

"How exciting!" Monica sings, prancing into my dark room, the morning of my tenth day here. My heads pounding and I'm cold but that never stops her from dragging me out of bed, almost like she is completely unaware of my feelings.

"What?" I ask, completely uninterested, voice hoarse from the bouts of crying that I can't avoid, I have never thought myself as someone that is particularly emotional, if anything I thought I was always quite level-headed but not now, Rhydian has wrecked me.

"We get to buy something nice for tonight, we haven't dressed up to go anywhere in such a long time"

"What's tonight?"

"It's this Gala for vampire artefacts, all of the regions go so Edward plans to reveal you and his plans for war tonight. It'll give people the chance to get on the right side of things"

"I don't want to go"

"You don't have a choice" she shrugs, throwing some clothes on my bed for me to change into.

"When do I ever" I mumble as she leaves.

I feel worse today then I have the entirety of my time here and maybe that's what happens when you bond with someone and then they throw you away but it's also because I rely on the warmth and power that Selena and Kyle give me to survive. Without it, it feels like I will just fade away, until I am just counted as another unfortunate fatality in a war, I was never meant to be involved in.