Twisting Roses

7: Hurt and Escape

-They don't get that words can hurt...that feelings can turn rotten sour-

Watching as the waves crashed before me, the silent echo of the sea ruffled my emotions and made me sink into silent agony, I was lost in thoughts. My heart was bleeding and my sanity felt confused. Devotion and affection; I had watched my grandma love devotedly, and frowned as my parents taught me that love. My grandmother would rather be ridiculed by her husband than leave him. And I was just the same. But it was no longer feeling right. 

I wasn't healing anymore. 

The first time I had met Demir was over an arranged meeting where Madam Geena had sat next to me and coaxed me to start a conversation. That single meeting was enough to create a storm inside my heart. I was willing to sacrifice my sanity for a man I just met. 

It wasn't supposed to be this way...devotion wasn't supposed to hurt, yet my grandmother died due to unrequited devotion...and my mom assured me that Grandma was loved. But I was no longer feeling good chasing after the same feeling. This happily ever after didn't seem to bring me any comfort. Only pain and hurt. 

Hating myself for feeling so lost, I moved near to the edge of the stone that had been cocooned as my escape place and stared down at my reflection. Why weren't my feelings ever good enough for my husband? Did my heart even have the power to seem good enough?

Sighing as empty air blew in my face, I winced as strong feet suddenly neared me with fervour. 

"Are you out of your mind!" My husband growled. I didn't have the heart to face him. "You don't roam around alone on this island. You don't! I have spent a whole two hours looking for you. If you are that careless, then--Are you even listening?" He pulled on my arm, but I was quick to escape his clutches. 

"No, just no." My voice cracked, my heart bleeding with intense pain. Suddenly, I was feeling so alone and hurt. 

Demir turned quiet at my outburst. 

"You are being childish," he spoke evasively, watching my back still turned towards him.

"I know." My shoulders slumped. 

Feeling too tired and defeated to fight or simply walk away, I dropped down on the hard surface of the rock and began staring at the crashing waves. Demir...I wanted my silence and cocoon to push him away. I just wanted to hide away from this world. My emotions were bleeding towards vacant numbness. 

After a few minutes of empty silence lingering in the air, I winced as Demir moved to sit next to me. 

"It was just a game." he sombrely spoke, staring at the crashing waves while trying to make his actions seem light and meaningless. But we both knew they weren't. 

This wasn't just about the game. 

"Hmm." I simply nodded, having no power to fight or argue. I-I just wanted to be taken care of. 

"Would it have made you happy if I had not played?" He turned his gaze towards me, seemingly frustrated by my 'feigned' indifference and one-word answers. But I didn't have much to say. 

He wasn't getting the point. 

It wasn't about the game... it was about his intention to make sure that I lost. He wanted me to feel miserable and low just to prove a point. And it hurt that my heart was still pounding for him...that his mere presence was making me forget and just let go of the pain for him. 

My heart always softened up in his presence. 

"No." My voice seemed squeaky. He aggressively tugged on his hair and began staring at the crashing waves again. It was quiet as we listened to the wind twirling with our senses and dragging against the water's surface. 

Demir...sitting next to him soon felt so awkward. We had hardly ever conversed...most of our confrontations mostly revolved around me wistfully wishing for his time and heart, so I didn't know how to act in his presence. His interests, likes, dislikes...they were a completely foreign topic for me. In fact, simply getting him to spend some time with me was a massive step for me, so I just didn't know how to keep calm. 

He always kept my emotions completely tangled up. 

"You know I used to practice surfing on these waves." A foreign emotion grew thick in Demir's tone as he began picking on the rock's rumble, eyeing it with absent attention. "My dad used to send me here on holidays to bond with my bro-cousins. But I never stayed on the land." He chuckled. I turned towards him with interest. 

I almost forgot about all the wounds he had inflicted on me. Just one warm and civil sentence had me trying again to win him over. "Do you still love surfing?" I tried to pull the conversation.

He shifted uncomfortably, his cold mood swings returning. "Umm...no." His fists curled up in aggression as his gaze turned menacing and lowered towards the waves. "Meeri didn't like-"

"Who's Meeri?" I tilted my head, making him grow stiff. 

"None of your business." He snapped, getting up and patting his clothes; expressions reserved and closed off. My heart clenched...the green monster was suddenly attacking me with fervour. 

"Who is Meeri? I was quick to stand on my feet. 

"I said none of your business..." He barked, causing me to flinch back. 

"I-is she your ex?" My voice quivered, gaze fixated on his cold expressions. I had to know...my senses...they had to know.

"She is my everything. Now go back inside the mansion." He sneered, averting his cold gaze away from me as his right hand pulled against his thick locks of hair. I flinched back in hurt and disbelief. 

He...Madam Geena. 

Why didn't she tell me? 

Of course, Demir would already be committed to a girl. A guy, like him, was never left single. He had to be in love with someone else, and Madama Geena never told me. 

Was this her favour? Her wish? 

She had made a complete burden out of me. I had never asked her for support...never showed myself desperate enough for money, so why did she crush my heart in such a devastating manner?

I felt so betrayed...so crushed and hurt. 

No wonder Demir hated me so much. 

I had stolen his fairytale ending. 

Feeling extremely shocked and wounded, I started back away towards the edge of the rock, watching Demir's cold gaze suddenly turn cautious and worried; his hands raised up towards me. 

"Don't, Maya...whatever you are thinking, don't..." He cautioned, but I wasn't in the mood to listen. 

Clutching my hands close to myself, I turned around and began jumping the rocks that lead away from this island, connecting with another. My heart was bleeding as my feet hardly managed to keep their balance and tears slipped down my cheeks, but I had to get away; rebel to scream out my heartbreak and disbelief. 

I had been such a fool. A man already taken would always treat me as a second choice. I couldn't take it. The pain...the torture, I wanted to punish my suppressors for treating me in this manner. It didn't feel right to drink back my tears. 

Completely crushed and heartbroken, I continued to jump away, until hurried footsteps followed. 

Demir wasn't going to let me escape.