Twisting Roses

9: Two Bleeding Hearts

-The waves were crashing, and I was chasing the storms-

Sitting near some lit woods, I stretched my neck and stared at the stormy sky with lost fascination. After learning that Demir and I were trapped on this island for some time, I had simply made a home near the bay of the island. Demir was the one who had managed to light a campfire and gather fruits. This island used to be his favourite camping sport, so he was an expert in adjusting to its wilderness. 

Now watching as he sat on the opposite side from me and roasted a few berries, my soul panged with a bitter sensation. The almost-slap...I couldn't forget its impact. My husband was both a saviour and an abuser. My heart was bleeding with agony.  His eyes were narrowed towards his yummy treat, as he sat quiet, and I just couldn't help but close my eyes and take a deep breath. 

I wanted the waves to wash away from pain...my agony. I didn't want to hear any lies, didn't want to hear some fake delusions, and simply wanted the man sitting before me to care, but he didn't. 

My grandmother had tolerated abuse because she believed her husband only cared for her. At my grandpa's deathbed, a strange lady did appear claiming to be his second wife, but my grandmother's love was strong enough to prove my grandpa's innocence. My grandpa's alleged second wife had her face scar-free, so it couldn't be a sincere story. Yet, as intense agony continued echoing inside my heart, I knew that a caring heart would never make his world feel so low.

It had to be a lie. 

Breathing in, as tremors roared inside my heart and wind swayed against my face, I knew that I couldn't really make Demir repent his actions. My silence was the only punishment I could give because his heart had no space for my emotions. I could slap, and he would simply slap back. And where would that leave me? Nowhere. This toxic cycle would only ruin me because while his slaps would go straight towards my heart, mine would only bruise his skin. 

Thus, choosing to simply stay quiet and spare my heart a few minutes of holding onto something that I was going to lose, I opened my eyes and met my husband's gaze. He was quietly eyeing my expressions, watching my soul cry before him because we both knew that his lack of control had confessed so much. 

****

Demir couldn't help but curl his fists in agony. She was sitting before him, seeming to hurt, so protected with her arms wrapped around her, but she needed to realize the truth. She wasn't the one. She never had been. Her teary eyes were haunting him with dread and an unknown sensation of pain, but he couldn't let her so brutally claw his heart, He could see in her eyes that she had fallen for him...that she was deeply aching because of his brutality, but he just couldn't care for her. 

His hurt...his wounds...they had opened up again. He had never raised a hand at a woman, but Meeran had him acting insane. He just missed her so much and couldn't even hear anyone daring to bad-mouth her. The real reason he had dared to raise his hand and almost slap Maya was because his heart had felt crushed with the epiphany that despite Maya bad-mouthing his world, she was the one who had a future with him and not his Meeran. His defence, words had no worth because his Meeran was gone. She was gone, and he was never going to get her back. He was never going to listen to kind words again...never going to see her brighten his day. Her smiles were lost forever, and he had nothing to defend. Nothing. He had failed. The woman who had bad-mouthed his wife was now his future.

A pained and uncontrollable sob escaped from his soul. Maya immediately eyed him with concern. 

"Are you alright?" She softly spoke, moving closer. But he didn't know what to say. He was hurting, hating everyone, and in just so much pain. He never lost control of his emotions in front of an audience, but it seems like his aggressive actions had affected him, too. He was destroyed, hurting and feeling so lonely.