Twisting Roses

37: Hotel Attack

-You live within the storms found inside my heart-

-Losing you will mean my storms have terrified you...that my chaos has deafened your love for me-

All those words...they had me come undone. The fire...the intensity of a fresh new heartbreak...it was hurting me so badly. I had promised to let go, to spare my heart, then why was I crying over him all over again? He had been the air I used to breathe in, my obsession...but I thought I could move on, no longer let his demons hold my love. Yet here I was again...having my heart look back at the past and break because of his words. 

The sensation of wanting him to pick up my pieces...just cry my heart out in front of him and have him make me turn my head back towards him...was devastatingly suffocating. His confession was all I had ever wanted to hear. See his gaze sparkle...see the fire burn for me, but the feeling of it being too late seemed to crush me. He had been too late. He hadn't been there when I was picking myself...had chosen to ignore when I was crushing under the weight of his cruelty. 

Wiping away the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing, I rushed towards my suite and literally barged inside it. I was so vulnerable again...so consumed by a storm of emotions and so lost. There was also immense guilt of treating Zaheer the same way Demir used to treat me. To have a conflicted heart just didn't seem fair. I couldn't hurt his heart. I couldn't ruin his faith in love just because I had lost the meaning of this word. I had to make sure to choose him first. No one deserved to feel my pain. 

With the need to be alone and pick up myself, I stepped inside my room and winced at the sight of an audience witnessing my disoriented emotions. It was Asmara; her expressions sober and understanding. 

"I-I-"

She said nothing...just got up from my bed and hugged me tightly; the crushing hug I was actually looking for. 

"I am-m s-sorry, A-Asmara," I stuttered, hating myself for doing this. "I-I promise t-this will be the last time I will ever c-cry over h-him. H-he...I don't know why, but h-he just makes me feel so sad." I confessed. 

"I know." She simply patting my back, giving me the time to get the pain out of my system. It was heartbreaking...so crushing to have her take care of me. I knew I was hurting her. I should have never stayed for a month. It was all my fault.

"I-I am-m s-so sorry for putting you and Zaheer through this," I continued sobbing, making her softly grab on my shoulders and pul me slightly away from her. 

"Then don't." She gave me a sad smile. I turned speechless. 

"W-what?"

"Maya, I think it has been unfair of my brother to ask for what you can't really offer him," she spoke, slowly guiding me towards a nearby sofa. My tears were gone as I listened to her words with a confused look. 

"Your heart has long been taken. In fact, I see the way you look at him...the way your husband cares for you. Zaheer was never in the picture. My brother never had your heart." Her words seemed too heavy and loud. There was absolutely no judgement, just plain observation and a knowing confession. I wanted to deny it all..tell her that my heart could never keep beating for someone who had been so cruel, but I couldn't. I hated my heart for being so naive...for my emotions to be so out of my control. I hurt to have her think this way. It hurt that I could offer no words in my defence, but I just couldn't feel so many things...inhale them in so passionately. 

"H-how can you say that when you have seen how much he makes me cry?" I sniffed back some tears, voice achy and high. 

We both sat down on the sofa...the yellow lamplight making our words seem more intense and serious.