YouTube Famous

Untitled Part 26

A FEW HOURS LATER
Riley had just gotten home and she asked me why I was looking so down. And of course I said nothing because I don't want to tell her.

I sit in my room for thirty minutes listening to Frank oceans ivy and white Ferrari on repeat. And there is a knock at my bedroom door. No one ever knocks on my door it's someone important. I go to the mirror and I make sure I have no signs of crying. I brush my hair a bit then I open the door. It's Lucas. "Hey." "Hey riley invited me. She said you looked...down." I open the door all the way and invite him in. "Of course I am. It would be terrible if I wasn't." God I know how to make everything awkward. I quickly cut in before Lucas can say anything. "Hey do you want to play a game?" "What game?" "We're not really strangers." He lays down on my bed and nods. "Take off your shoes. How many times do I have to tell you." I say while slapping his chest playfully. He takes off his shoes then grabs the game and reads the instructions. "Why did you get this." "I wanted to play with Riley and Farkle but I thought about it again and my feelings would get hurt because Farkle is too honest." Lucas laughs a little. He grabs the first card and says "what are your assumptions about me." "You like to believe that you are friendly and welcoming but the more I get to know you the more complex and hard to read you are." Lucas's eyebrows furrow and he says "well I believe you use your charm to get what you want." I pick up the next card and read out "remain eye contact for thirty seconds what do you notice?" I pick up a card and I start my timer. I look into Lucas's eyes and it's hard for me to pay attention. My eyes start to wonder around his face taking in every individual feature. He is beautiful. Lucas is a beautiful human being. The timer goes off and lucas says "you have trouble keeping eye contact and I'm pretty sure you were just looking at me." "I was. I couldn't help myself. Eye contact is weird it makes me uncomfortable." Lucas smiles then says "Why?" "It feels like your trying to read my mind and honestly the thoughts in my mind scare me." "What are they like." I sigh while saying "lots of fear and doubt." I pick up the next card that says "what is something we should celebrate together?" Lucas says "Christmas. I feel like that's the most intimate time of the year and you should be with people you care about." "I agree completely." Lucas picks up the next card "What are you proudest of me for." I say "never selling yourself short. You know your self worth. I was watching your YouTube videos the other day and you were talking about brand deals and you see talking about how you would never do a brand deal that didn't have your best interest or didn't do with your channel and I found that very honorable." Lucas smiles then says "I'm proud of you for pursuing your singing career. You realized that youtube was less important and you prioritized what was important to you." I look into Lucas's eyes and I smile. This is what I've been looking for. Connection. "Wild card draw your favorite memory with me." I draw the time Lucas took me to the park for a picnic and we just talked the whole time. I show Lucas my picture and he drew the same one except worse because you know I'm an amazing artist. I smile while looking down at the picture. Lucas reads the next card "ask me something you think is off limits." I bite my lip scared to say mine first so I let Lucas speak. "Do you think we rushed?" I reply "do you think we said I love you too soon." Before either of us can answer I get a FaceTime call from my mom. Thank god. Saved by the phone. "Hey mom." "Hey maya. What are you up to?" "I'm at home hanging out with Lucas." I show his face and my mom instantly smiles. "Hi mrs.hunter." Lucas says while waving and smiling. "Don't be silly call me Katy." "How have you been?" Lucas replies. They talk for like ten minutes until I say "Hey mom. Why did you call your daughter. Remember me Maya. Your daughter." "I just wanted to see if you wanted to invite Lucas to spend Christmas with us." Before I can respond Lucas says "I would love to Katy." I sigh then I say "but what about your family Lucas?" "I usually spend Christmas here then I see my family for New Years." I fake smile and I say "that just works out perfectly doesn't it? Okay bye mom." I hang up then I say "you could have said no." "I want to see your mom. She seems great. We talk a lot. And your da-Shawn. His work is amazing." "You have their phone numbers." "Yes. You gave them to me." I sigh. "I guess I did. Well I've never brought someone home to meet my parents but it sounds like they adore you so it shouldn't be that hard to impress them." Lucas just smiles and then opens his arms for a hug. I hug him and I say "you've never really told me about your mom. You only really talk about your sister." "I haven't talked to my mom in like two years." My breathing halts and I say "I'm sorry." "Yeah. We just don't see eye to eye and it's hard to talk to her because she not willing to listen." "No I get that. I tried to reach out to my dad and I had a similar experience. Can you tell me more about her?" Lucas looks away from me then says "um...she's beautiful but manipulative. She's codependent and make you feel like you're her everything until she's used you up until you have nothing left to give." "I'm sorry. Please don't continue." I say while getting out his hold and walking into my bathroom. I wipe my eyes. My father did the same thing. When I started making money off of youtube I would send him $300 a month and my mom had to tell me that my father was using me. Every time I would ask for him to come visit or if we could meet somewhere he would always make an excuse then ask for money. I'm currently on the bathroom floor trying to dry my eyes out. I get myself together and I walk out the bathroom and Lucas isn't in my room anymore. I walk around the house looking for him. I find him in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. I rub his back and I say "I'm sorry if your moms a touchy subject. I didn't mean to bring her up." Lucas sighs "It's fine you didn't know. You were just trying to get to know me." I'm so confused. Lucas is like perfect and proper. But how is this possible if he was raised by someone who probably neglected him until they needed something. Lucas reads my face then says "when I was younger I thought every kid grew up taking care of themselves and their little siblings. I didn't notice that I was filling in for my mother until I was 13." "This is why I don't make eye contact." Lucas laughs a little.

We go back up to my room and I put on the good place on Netflix. I drift off in my head and I think back to all the time Lucas was so nurturing and caring to me and I feel bad because he's been having to do that his whole life. He needs a break. That's why Lucas likes to be tended to because there was no one to do that for him when he was younger. I had always thought that Lucas had grown up with a perfect life opposite of mine but now that I think of it his was worse. he was alone. At least I knew my mom was gone trying to help me. "Maya." "Yes." I say bring myself back. "Do you want to keep playing?" "Sure. Why not?" He skips the awkward question we were on and picks up another card. "What about me intrigues you?" "Your eyes or your smile." Lucas looks at the bedding smiles then looks at me and says "your eyebrows." I hold back a laugh as best as possible. I pick up the next card and it says "what are you trying to prove to yourself." I clear my throat and I say "that it's ok to be insecure and that you don't have to be ideal to be beautiful." "I don't need approval from others to be happy." We both reach for the next card and our hands touch. We both pull away quickly. I grab the next card and i say "last two. What is the most attractive quality about me that isn't physical." "You're impulsiveness." I smile while saying "you're kind heart." Before Lucas can say anything I read the last question. "Based on what you've learned write each Rogers bumble bios and compare." I grab a pencil and paper and I smile very hard while writing. "I know I'm easy on the eyes but my heart is even better. I have ambition and I'm a go getter." "Maya what the fuck is that." I laugh "I've never done this before. I think dating apps are weird. Okay what is yours for me?" "My heart burn with just as much passion as my eyes do. That's all I have. I'm not really into online dating either." I put the cards away and I close the game as I get comfortable Lucas lays his head and my shoulders. I lay my head on top of his and I run my fingers through his hair. He watches tv while I think to myself, our relationship was missing the connection and now that we are working on it I regret breaking up. But maybe a redo will be good for us. Maybe we need a break from being so physical.