My LDR (long distance relationship)

Bye

So. it's over. officially. sorry if there's spelling errors. I've been drinking. but yeah. this time were really over. it's only been about an hour and I'm screaming into my pillow. pulling my hair. I already relapsed. I'm drinking. Ive taken like 4 adapin pills already. I've never been like this over a guy. it has ONLY been an hour. I miss him so much. I told him to leave me alone. I don't wanna talk to him but I want him back. I swear. if I got another chance with him I wouldn't fuck ANYTHING up. I would be the best girlfriend ever. we would never fight. we would both be happy. but I already fucked up. we haven't called in two weeks because he's been busy but I think it's because he didn't wanna talk to me. for the past 2 weeks I've felt as if I'm single.

I've never loved another human being so much. I sacrificed so much for him. I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking. I could've been out every night but I preferred to talk to him and I knew he didn't want me doing that stuff. he claims that he sacrificed stuff for me too. but. I can't even name a thing. he hurts me so much. but I'm fucking in love.

he complains I hurt him. I told him to leave over 50 times. I would rather no relationship than an unhappy one. now he's blaming me for hurting him. but is it really my fault if I told him to leave?

"Humans hurt others when they are hurting"

tbh, I'm hurting a lot right now. I've been fighting with my mom a lot. school is stressing me out. everything is stressing me out.

"You need to love yourself before you can love someone else"

I haven't loved myself in so long. maybe that's why we didn't work out. I gave him everything I had. I guess it wasn't enough or it just ran out. I don't know what the fuck to do. I honestly want to die.