Fire to the rain (Tom Hiddleston X Reader)

Chapter 17(11)

Headache, heartache. Nouseous, dying. Miserable is the word to express a state of mind but never one of heart.

There was a faint sound which he didn't give a damn about and then a figure in his doorframe which was in fact everything he cared about.

"Thomas."
"Y/n."
"Why are you after me?" She stated almost succeeding to be cold.
"I think I've always been, haven't I? The answer is probably because I cannot just give away what I live for." He said, almost too warm.
"Don't play me Tom. I'm not the stupid girl you used to know." She was supposed to play well.
"I've never considered you one." He was supposed to see behind her mask.
"Oh yes, even when you went on a date with her on my birthday, even sleeping with her on "our" beach. You definately did not consider me stupid." It was surprisingly feelingless.
"It was definately the biggest and the worst mistake in my life, which I still pay for." He was numb.

Y/n lowered her head. She tried to take ahold of the ocean of emotions. She knew that if she didn't they both would drown.

"Nothing does matter now."

Stab.

"You have moved on, so have I.

Stab.

"Just don't ever cross me again. Live happy with your wife and let me do my job."

Murder.

"Stop it Y/n, STOP IT!" He approached her. The very second he took her hands and hugged her she realised she wasn't able to contain the ocean anymore. It turned into a huge tsunami and broke down on both of them.

"Stop it? How in the world am I supposed to? What do you suggest for me to do?" She pushed him away "I was the most miserable person when you came into my life, pouring your love into my empty cup. You made me believe in love and trust. I felt welcomed and cherished, I was happy. But when my mouth was dry for the feeling, for you, you didn't only pour the water on ground, you shattered my glass in tiny pieces, in dust, so that I could never collect the pieces. You hated me the way even Lucifer couldn't hate god. You broke me and then easily replaced me. Hopefully my sufferings are clear so you can see and enjoy them."

He would never think he could've hurt someone like that. He couldn't believe having someone to love him so strong. It broke him hearing these words from her. It hurt him more than her, her being everything he wished to have among everything he had. His heart, her, Y/n.

"No, no Y/n, no. I'm a very bad person. The worst person. I have never imagined I could hurt someone I loved more than anything that deep. I will never earn your forgiveness or trust but I love you with every fiber of my being. I cannot explain why I did what I did or how it happened, for I have not found any excuse for myself. I never will forgive myself, but my heart goes straight to my stomache at the sound of your name. I won't be able to live without you. I have no wife and will never have for you are my wife and will always be. My heart will stop beating in your hands, whether now or many many years after. I love you, I yearn for you with everything I have. Just please, do not leave me."