✓ Blood Lust (Levi Ackerman - Attack on Titan) #wattys2021

Chapter Nineteen

"You have to tell me who you were in love with."

He laughs darkly, staring up at me from dark lashes. "I thought I made it obvious, Eliora." He stands up, looking down at me, his hands in his pockets. "It's always been you, as it's always been me for you. You might've hated me, but it kept you fixated on me for eight years."

"Me..." I whisper, looking down at my clasped hands. "I kept you from finding anyone else?" I stand up now to look him face to face. 

"No," he shakes my head, confusing me. "I made a vow to never find love as a Scout. I couldn't leave behind a wife and child. I told this to your father after you left to clean up. Turns out, he made a similar promise, one he obviously didn't keep." Yeah, obvious in the fact that I'm the living proof. "Eliora, I don't want to leave you behind, I want you beside me. We may not know each other well, but I know what I want. Do you?"

I nod without hesitation. "I do. I guess the line between hate and love is very fine," I comment, brushing my hair back. His hand goes out, pushing my bangs away before connecting his lips to mine. I return the kiss, ending it when it starts to get heated. I don't want any of the peeping townspeople to spread it around. Looking around, we already saw enough of them innocently "sweeping" their sidewalks at the same time. 

"My father gave his permission then?"

Levi nods, seemingly done with words now.

"Alright, let's get married." 

I stay the night at Forest's, staying in an empty four poster bed in the same room as Catherine downstairs. The house is a similar layout to our old house. I'm almost asleep when there's a loud knock on the door. Sighing, I get out of bed in nothing but my see through white night gown, hoping it isn't one of the criminal gangs that raped and looted in the early days of the fall of Wall Maria. 

"Jean?" I yawn, stepping outside. He blushes when seeing my attire.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I forgot you probably hadn't slept the whole night with your dad's arm. I wanted to talk about Reiner."

"I don't want to talk about him," I respond, sitting down onto the steps, Jean following suit.

"He was your best friend, El. You have to be feeling a certain kind of way."

"All I feel is hate towards him." My hands dig into my nightgown in anger, all the answers finally having reasons. "I blame him for my mother's death, and if my father would've died, that would've been on him too. He is a monster against humanity. I don't care if he loved me, he could spend thousands of years making it up to me and never repay his debt. You cannot be on his side, Jean!" 

"I'm not!" he says defensively, standing up. I stand up, standing almost chest-to-chest with him. "I just don't want you to shove everything away! We've all noticed how bitter you're becoming, and it's scaring us!"

"And who is us?!" I shout at him, not even caring if the neighbors want a piece of this. 

"Sasha, Conny, Armin, Me, even Mikasa is worried about you, and you said you hated her in court. You and Sasha were always silly in training, nothing could be done to you guys to mess up your moods. We're here for you, Ellie. We always have been. You aren't going through any of this alone." He pulls me into a hug, which I'm slow to return. "I don't care if you hate Reiner now, just admit that it hurts."

"Well, yeah it fucking hurts, Jean," I cry out into his neck, bursting into sobs. He holds my body against his, rubbing my back, probably wanting this reaction. "We've spent every waking moment together in training, and I was so devastated when it came to split. When he switched, I was so happy, thinking we'd be together. Then, Hange came up with the hypothesis, and it was true. We lost almost everyone, including the 104th! Would he have killed me if I was there? And is that why I wasn't there?" I pull away looking at him. "Why wasn't I there?"