To the Ends of the Earth

Chapter 2

Gabriel

"Tada!" Jude exclaimed dramatically, gesturing widely around him. His arms almost ran into the walls.

     I looked at my new home with a numbness that had begun to scab over my panicked misery. It was pretty much a hut really. I didn't mind though, it was more than I ever thought to have. Jude looked at me expectantly...was I supposed to do something now?

     "Eh...it's nice?"

     Jude's laugh was one loud noise, almost a cough. "Nice huh? Well that's kind of you but it's really just supposed to be a place to sleep that doesn't include the ground, if ya know what I mean. At least you have your privacy. You don't have to share."

     I shrugged, "Thank you."

     "Oh, it wasn't just me, we all pitch in. But you're welcome anyhow." Jude looked around himself and shuffled his feet. "Well, we usually just let people alone on their first day to absorb the shock and such. We can start on the teaching parts tomorrow. It's almost dinner anyway."

     I frowned but nodded my head. I didn't know how much more I could take right now. My head kept trying to explode all over me.

     Perhaps sensing the coming breakdown, Jude began to back out of the little doorway. It was covered by a flap made out of some kind of leathery material. "Look, just do what feels most comfortable right now. I know its disorienting. Maggie showed you the mess hall I'm sure so if you get hungry you know where to go. If you want company I'll be down that way for the next hour or so then I'll be back in the library. Come find me if you need to. Otherwise, I'll come fetch you in the morning. Got all that?" he looked at me expectantly.

     I just nodded, really wanting to be left in peace. Mercifully, without another word, Jude slipped out the door and let it fall back against the frame with a slap.

For the first time in my short existence, I was alone.

It felt nice for a few moments. I walked around the tiny room (it didn't take long) looking at my little bed and a set of shelves that ran all the way to the low roof. That was about all there was to see. I sat down on the bed surprised by how tired I was. I wasn't really sure how that was possible considering I'd been alive for less than a day. I assumed it was all the stuff in my head attacking me from the inside that was draining me.

     Information overload. My mind formed the two words and it sounded like something Maggie would say, in her little girl sort of way. And then she would laugh at me. I sighed.

What do you want? God's and Jude's words bounced around in my head. What do I want? I asked myself. Without having to think about it my wife's face popped into my mind, as automatic as breathing. I'd shied away from the memory of her before because it had caused me pain, and because everyone kept telling me to forget her for my own good. I studied her now though, allowing the image to fill my senses. I felt guilty and almost banished the image immediately, but then hesitated. Who would have to know I was thinking of her? I wasn't hurting anyone but myself. And it's not like I could actually do anything about her or how I felt.

Despite all the warnings I let myself wallow in her. I lay back on my tiny bed and closed my eyes, determined to enjoy it if I was going to disobey.

     She was beautiful. More so than Maggie, even though I'd thought Maggie was quite lovely. My wife had a dark curtain of hair, strait and long. In my mind she swished it playfully, a smile tipping up her full symmetrical lips, her scent exploding in my face. I'd always loved her shampoo. It made me think of honey and apple blossoms. I frowned at the thought but didn't stop. Her eyes were so large they took on an alien beauty, so deeply blue that they were almost black. She had a heart shaped face, wide at the cheeks that were always a little bit pink, and drawn down to a delicate chin that had a faint dimple. I wanted so badly to touch her in that moment it was a physical pain. Lilly. Her name came to me slowly, letter by letter, until I was whispering it into the air.