To the Ends of the Earth

Chapter 8

*

Lilly

"You finished reading these already?" asked Jonah as he took the bundle of books I slid to him across the counter. Just my luck that he was working again. It's not that I didn't like him, he seemed nice enough, he was just so much more outgoing than I was. He was the type who would always try to strike up a conversation when I'd be happy to take care of my business and quietly be on my way.

"No, but I got what I needed out of them."

"Oh. Well thats good. Was it for a paper or something?"

"Yeah, something like that." Yet more lies to cover up my failing sanity.

He shuffled the books around in front of him. "Cool. So did you need help finding anything else or you were just returning these?"

"Mostly just returning those. I'll probably find a corner somewhere around here where I can finish a few assignments before classes tomorrow."

"Yeah, we have plenty of those." He smiled brightly at me.

"At least four on every floor, I'm sure." I turned to leave. I never knew how to say goodbye in situations like these so I usually just awkwardly slipped away after lame attempts at humor.

"Ha, you're funny. Well good luck finishing your work. See you around Lilly!"

I notched up the awkward and sent a floppy wave over my shoulder and a half-hearted smile. I went in search of an elevator and decided to find the oldest and dustiest corner I could so that I could remain undisturbed.

I figured I'd find what I was looking for on one of the higher levels, and I wasn't disappointed. While the air smelled musty and there was indeed more dust than books, the view from one of the few windows was spectacular and the little study table I found was in a secluded spot. Perfect. I sat down and knocked out my paper quickly as well as a few critical thinking questions from my introductory english class. I had firmly put Gabriel on the back burner of my brain so I could get some work done. It was difficult but I managed to keep up the mental blockade just long enough.

When I had finished polishing up the paper and had gone back over my answers for english however, all bets were off. It's like my brain knew that all the important business was done and gave itself the green light to freak the heck out. For a disturbingly long time only one thought swirled around inside my noggin: This can't be real, this can't be real, this can't be real...

I tried comforting myself with other thoughts when I eventually got tired of my own monotony. Thoughts like, crazy people aren't supposed to know they're crazy but I know I'm crazy therefore I can't be crazy. Those thoughts would make me feel better for a moment until I would eventually circle back around to nutter junction and start the freak out all over again. What was wrong with me? I'd lived a rather mundane sort of life except for this Gabriel thing.

But It felt weird to just dismiss that part of myself. Because that's what Gabriel was, a part of me. I felt him like a phantom limb but I still couldn't explain it. In fact I was starting to resent him and our connection. Who gave permission for my life to be marred by an illogical need to find Gabriel?

I was about to breakdown into a chorus of "why me universe, why me!?" and have a good old toddler-esque floor tantrum when I heard the elevator ding. I quickly schooled my features and tried to pretend I was a serious academic instead of a raving lunatic. I was trying to decide if I was successful when I heard my name.

"Lilly? What are you doing up here?"

Jonah was one of those people that wore their emotions like a neon sign across their faces. I could read surprise and happiness loud and clear.