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You Look Familiar

Marvin looked at his wife, the woman he married because he thought he loved her. Or maybe he married her because he was running away from the fact that he didn't love her, could never love her the way he should. The way she deserved. Maybe he thought he could force himself to love her.

He looked at her, taking in her shoulder length auburn hair, her tall curvy body. Her eyes that hold everything she feels, and her beautiful lips that don't smile nearly as much as they should. All things that he knows should make him feel something, anything. And yet all he feels is guilt. He's wasting her time, wasting her life, and making her miserable.

And he knows he's a coward, because he can't set her free.

"Marvin? Are you ok?" Trina asks him, pausing what she had been doing. "You were zoning out...are you not into this?"

Marvin assured her that he was fine, and she resumed her task of kissing down his chest. He knew he should be enjoying this, he wants more than anything to enjoy this. But it just feels like another chore.

Trina finally got all the way to his belt, and as she was starting to unbuckle it, Marvin sat up quickly. He couldn't do it. It's not like they haven't done it before, they had a son after all, but this time the thought of it was making him sick.

Trina recoiled, she looked frightened, and once again Marvin felt guilty. She reached out to touch his shoulder, possibly to comfort him. Marvin brushed her hand away. "Just stop Trina!" he snapped.

"Are you ok?" she asked again, trying to diffuse the situation.

Marvin glared at her, allowing the anger to well up in him. He didn't know why he was getting angry. It seemed whenever he felt bad he took it and turned it on whoever was in his way. His self loathing was directed as rage toward someone else, and more often than not, that person was Trina.

"No, I'm obviously not ok, Trina." He grabbed his shirt off the floor and put it back on, trying to stop feeling so exposed.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help. I thought you wanted to...you know...tonight," Trina said, not meeting his eyes.

Marvin needed to get out before he exploded. "You know what Trina, why don't you just fucking leave me alone!" He shouted. "Actually, I'm out of here."

Marvin stormed out of the house, and got in his car. He drove with no destination in mind, he just needed to think. He hated what he was doing to her, and he hated that he couldn't stop. Maybe he wanted to drive her away, to make her wise up and leave him, but he knew Trina would never do that.

Marvin hated himself, and his...problem. He's spent his whole life trying to be normal, and yet he always knew he wasn't.

After a while of driving, Marvin found himself parking next to Central Park. He decided that a walk might clear his head. It was dark, and he didn't see anybody, except for a few late night joggers, so this seemed like the perfect place to think and then forget.

He walked one of the trails, lost in thought. He thought about his son, Jason, and how none of this was fair to him either. Marvin loved Jason, and wanted what was best for him. Maybe Marvin being out of the picture would be best for Jason. Maybe he should tell Trina he fell in love with another woman, then they'll never have to find out his secret. Or maybe he'll run away to California, change his name and start completely over. But Marvin knew he wouldn't do any of that. He would continue to make him and his family miserable, trapped in a life none of them actually enjoy.

Marvin was so lost in his thoughts, that he wasn't really paying attention. He was abruptly torn from his inner tragedy when he ran smack into one of the late night joggers. He looked up to find a tall man with shiny brown hair, and a sharp ass jawline. Within seconds of looking at this man, he already felt more than when he looked at his wife. He also felt extremely embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention," He muttered, trying not to make eye contact with the attractive man, afraid the guy would look at him and know everything.

The guy laughed, a sound that Marvin found beautiful. "Obviously neither was I," he exclaimed. "You look familiar."

Marvin looked up, startled. He was certain he had never seen this man in his life, there was no way the man knew him.

"I know where i've seen you! You're the 'straight' man who always happens to find himself at a gay bar. I've seen you there multiple times now." The man seemed smug in his discovery, and Marvin was really starting to get nervous.

He wanted to turn and run in the other direction before this conversation went any further.

The man realized he had made Marvin uncomfortable and tried futilely to fix it. "Oh, you're still playing the straight charade huh?" Which definitely was not the best choice of words. It seemed this guy was only a pretty face. "I'm Whizzer by the way."

Apparently the guy also had a strange ass name. "I'm Marvin," he said, quietly. "And no, I'm not playing the 'straight charade,' I know i'm gay. I just...I just don't know what to do."

Whizzer softened completely and realized he was being kind of a dick. "Oh, sorry about that then," he said awkwardly. "Is that the first time you've admitted it out loud?"

And Marvin realized it was. Before, the word was only something he would turn over in his head, hoping desperately it wasn't true. And then wishing it would go away. He's never told anyone before. Despite this Whizzer's verbal mistakes, something about him made Marvin want to talk to him.

"I...yeah, you know what, it is the first time," he admitted.

Whizzer grinned. "Listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but it's getting pretty late." He took a card out of his pocket. "Here's my number, give me a call if you want to talk, or if you want to find out what else I can do with my mouth." Whizzer winked and continued his jog.

Marvin was bewildered, and confused, and intrigued. Whizzer seemed like a mess, but so was Marvin. He wasn't sure what just happened, and he had no idea what would happen in the future, but he knew that wasn't the last time he would see Whizzer. He figured the whole Trina thing was a problem for another day.

He got in his car and drove home, thinking the entire time about Whizzer's impossibly straight teeth and adorable laugh. Marvin had a whole lot to figure out, but he was sure it could stay a secret for just a little longer.

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1184 words

Hello everyone that reads my oneshots. It's been quite a while, hasn't it? Sometimes I have extreme writer's block, and then one day I have an idea and suddenly I'm granted with like 2 hours of productivity. So yeah, this is my little take on a possible way Marvin and Whizzer met. I didn't edit it tho, because I hate that part lol. Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed.

Also, the title is from the song Light My Candle in Rent.

~Queer_And_Heere 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈