byler stories :)

gay thoughts and a love letter (pt 2)

It had been a week since he opened up to Eleven about his sexuality and, eventually his crush on Mike. Since then, he had finished his drawing of Mike. It was a close up of his face from when he first approached Will the last time he saw him. Will remembered thinking he looked so happy and beautiful that he was definitely going to draw him. He hoped that Mike wouldn't think it was weird that he drew him, but El dismissed his concerns. She had been sitting with Will while he drew, watching him and giving him motivation.

The day after their conversation, while Will was drawing, El explained to him how they broke up. According to her, they spent too much time apart and their feelings were fading away faster than they thought it would. It was actually El who initiated the breakup, but Mike complied. El said he seemed almost relieved. She didn't say much else and Will didn't force her to. However, he had this feeling that maybe the reason why she didn't say much was that, Mike told El something he didn't want anyone else to know. And, maybe it has to do with Will. He knew it was wishful thinking, but it would explain why she said he might like him back. El always took secrets seriously, so there was no way she would tell Will if that was the case. Still, he thought about it constantly, his hope sometimes rising and sometimes falling.

The anticipation of the whole situation was getting to him. He needed to know if Mike could reciprocate his feelings. Or if he'd just be gay, alone and rejected all at the same time. So, there he was, sitting on his bed with a notepad and pencil, ready to write the letter El suggested.

But, he wasn't ready at all. He had no idea where to start. He had no idea how to open this love letter that could either lead to a catastrophic mess or the start of a... relationship? Will wasn't sure if Mike would want a relationship, even if he liked him back. Maybe he wouldn't want to try it, with his breakup with El being so soon. Maybe he just wouldn't want to try a gay relationship and risk being made fun of. Maybe he just wouldn't want to date Will at all.

Will's thoughts were getting to him again as he stared down at the blank paper. He needed to focus on this letter. He needed to get it done so he could stop wondering all the time. The sooner he sent this letter, the sooner he could get some answers.

He picked up his pencil, establishing a plan inside his head. He would keep it simple. He would tell him he's gay, then he'd say he likes him, and then he'd end it there. He couldn't just pour out all of his emotions, no matter how bad he wanted to. There was the risk of rejection and the more he shared, the more painful the rejection would be.

Hey Mike.

Now what? Does he just blurt out his sexuality as he did with Eleven? Or should he build up to it? The questions and doubts were coming back. He was stressed. There was every possible chance that this wouldn't work out. Maybe he should just stop.

He threw down his notebook and flopped back on his bed. He could just stop writing. He could just chicken out and not do it. Should he give up? What was the point? He could lie to El and said he sent it. Or he could lie to El and say he doesn't like him anymore. Or he could tell the truth to El, which was that he was so nervous to mess everything up that he just quit.

He wished he could stop thinking. He was tired of thinking. But, everything had to be perfect or it wouldn't work, right? If the letter was even a little bit weird, Mike would never speak to him again. Right? Maybe he'd stay. Will didn't know.

His mind wandered to how much he wanted Mike here. He wouldn't even have to say anything, Mike would just know something was wrong by the expression on his face. Will wouldn't have to give an explanation if he didn't want to, Mike would still comfort him. He would try to make him feel better and they would watch movies or play games together. He would stay with him. They would talk. About stupid things. And important things. Mike with his stupid, perfect face, looking at Will with his stupid, perfect smile. And his stupid, perfect lips. And they'd be sitting close to each other as Mike sometimes did when Will was upset. And they'd be so close that Will could just lean in and kiss his stupid, perfect self. And finally, get the kiss that he'd been stupidly wishing for. And he bet Mike's lips felt soft, no matter how chapped they were. And-