Bad Reputation. ||Shawn Mendes ||

I'm Ready

This chapter contains subjects like depression and suicide. Please read with care.

*Alex's Pov*

"Shawn can you meet me at The Spot later?" I ask as he gets books out of his locker.

"Yeah sure," Shawn smiles.

I smile back and head to my next class.

—-

I walk up the dirt path to The Spot and I sit down on the rock and wait for Shawn. About 10 minutes later he shows up.

"Hey," I smile.

"Hey what's up?" Shawn says sitting down on the rock beside me.

"I'm ready," I say.

"Ready for what?" Shawn asks.

"To tell you everything, I'm ready," I say looking up into his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Shawn asks holding my hand.

"Yes," I nod.

I take a deep breath and I clear my throat. I already feel tears welling up in my eyes but I push them back. It's time.

"This all started just after Sophomore year ended. It was the beginning of summer and I was just a normal 16 year old girl. I had a great boyfriend, a great best friend. My parents were happy. My life was going great. I got home from doing some thing with Faith and Hayden. My parents had a very serious look on their faces. I had never seen them like that before. They sat us down and told us that they were getting a divorce. They were so happy together we didn't get why this was happening. They made me believe in love and when I found out that they couldn't make it work everything I ever thought wasn't real anymore. That night I woke up to a noise. I opened my bedroom door to see my dad standing there with his bags. He told me that he was going on a business trip and he would be back in a few days so I went back to bed. The days kept on passing and he never came back until a few months ago when I walked into the kitchen to see him kissing my mother. I didn't even say a word to him I just yelled at my mother. I haven't seen him since. I have heard phone calls and it is as messy and to see that made me mad. That's the night I ended up at your house completely drunk," I say with tears rolling down my face.

"Alex," Shawn says wiping my tears away.

"After I found out an the divorce I was so sad, mad and depressed. I was so depressed that I thought I didn't deserve to be happy. Like I had done something wrong so bad things started happening to me. Because I didn't think I deserved happiness I broke up with Conor. I didn't tell him what was going on because he would feel bad for me or tell me that it wasn't my fault but I didn't want to hear that so I just cut him out of my life with h no reason why. I felt so down, so sad, so mad, I," I say taking a deep breath to try calm my breathing but it doesn't help.

"It's okay Alex, l'm here," Shawn says wrapping his arm around me.

"I was so depressed that I thought of killing myself and then I got so mad at myself for thinking that, for thinking I could leave Hayden all alone. School was coming up and I couldn't face everything. I couldn't face everyone knowing. So I changed everything about me. I decided I was going to fake it till the pain would go away. I put up a shield. I distracted myself from life with partying and drinking and boys," I cry.

"Alex," Shawn says tears rolling down his face.

"The dream I had, when I said your name, in my dream I was telling you goodbye, I wanted to end my life. I got mad at myself for having those thoughts again but you, you helped me. You made me feel happy, you keep me grounded, you," I say put I get interrupted by Shawn pushing his lips against mine.

At first I don't know what is happening but then I kiss him back. He places his hands on my face and I wrap my arms around his neck. After a few minutes we pull away and I start to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Shawn asks holding my hands.

"If anyone were to see us they would think we were so weird just crying and kissing in the middle of nowhere," I smile.

Shawn wipes away the tears that stain my face and he squeeze my hands, "Are you okay now?" Shawn asks.

"Yes," I nod, "Thanks to you."