LOGBOOK [EXO]

If we ever love again (pt. 2)

I really did it.

I came to his school.

I'm waiting at the main gate hoping that I would see his face from this large crowd of college students. What am I even thinking? There's no way I might run to him in here because Hanyang is such a huge university. Plus, I don't even know his schedule!

And what the heck am I so happy for?

I'm just here to return his umbrella.

I shook my head from unnecessary thoughts and uhh.. emotions.

"What are you doing here, Mary?" My eyes widened when I spotted him walking towards me. I'm right on time?

"Ah! Your umbrella!" Damn it, why am I so uneasy?! "You forgot it on the train yesterday. It's yours right?" I handed him the umbrella.

He lit up in realization and took it. "Oh. So that's where I left it? I thought I left it at school." He scratched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry you had to come all the way here. Let me pay you back with something."

I waved my both hands. "No no! No need it was nothing."

"But I'd feel bad just letting you leave like this." He frowned.

I paused and tried to come up something that wouldn't burden him too much so, "T-then you can walk me at the bus stop."

He didn't object.

And now here we are, walking side by side at the long streets. It was silent but I could feel my heart beating so loud. I noticed the familiar places we used to walk together.

Our old school.

We both stopped at sight of the building. Reminiscing the memories, I once shared with him. "Wow this brings back memories."

"So you haven't been here for a while?" He asked while gazing at our school "I always pass by here."

Both our eyes suddenly darted at the high school student couple walking together. "They're still so innocent." Kyungsoo commented. "True." I smiled.

He started walking again leaving me behind. "I know this might be a bit late, but I'm sorry for that."

What? Is he referring to our old break up? I don't know what to say! Heck I'm not even ready for this.

"I've always wondered.." He didn't stop walking so I tried to catch from his side so I could hear what else he had to say.

"What were you actually trying to tell me back then?" He turned around facing both of us in such a short distance. His face is too close!

I panicked and unconsciously stepped back. He didn't stop staring at my eyes. I'm so red! "Why tell you now? It was no big deal!" I tried to brushed off his question because I'm so ashamed from myself in high school!

Kyungsoo stepped forward and leaned closer to my face. There is no escape from his interrogation. "I wanna know." He seemed so serious about it.

Now I'm caught off guard. I have no choice, it's an old ancient history so telling him now doesn't matter anymore right? It's just his mere curiosity nothing else. 

I took a deep breath and answered in a most casual way, "I wanted us to be more like a real couple."

It's embarrassing to talk about it so I continued walking making sure he couldn't see my heated face.

"I wanted us to hold hands.. and to feel your arms tight around me." I tried my best not to choke on my words. "To share a kiss after staring into your eyes. Stuff like that!" I didn't realize my pacing is so fast, but I don't care anymore I can't look at him right now.

"Just hearing you say that.. is making me feel super embarrassed." He responded.

See! "You were the one who insisted!" I retorted back.

He walked at my side again and I watched from my peripherals how he buried half of his face from his scarf around his neck. Yeah it's getting cold now from the after rain.

"You should do that stuff with your boyfriend." He muffled. "I don't have that." I replied.

"Do you like someone?" He asked. Why? Why do you have to ask such embarrassing questions? "Nope" Is the only thing I could reply.

He chuckled. "What the hell? You're wasting your youth."

I stopped at my tracks. "Then what about you Kyungsoo?"

But he kept on walking and replied nonchantly. 

"I actually do."

He only answered my question.

So why did it come as a shock to me?

"I see." I mumbled. He actually has feelings for someone. Lucky her.

And me?

I didn't know what happened, but I unexpectedly tugged his jacket.

What about me?

He turned his head from my sudden actions. We were facing each other. I wanted to say so much I wanted to ask him if he still has a tiny bit feelings for me. Maybe just maybe. But the only words came out from my mouth, "You.. you don't care anymore?"

Silence.

"What?" He said.

"What?" I replied.

What am I trying to do?! I looked stupid!

"What do you mean?" He furrowed his eyebrows from confusion. "Care about what?"

I freaked out. "N-nothing! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT FORGET WHAT I SAID!" I stunned.

Oh dear Lord! I want to disappear right now!

"You didn't mean what?" And he won't stop asking!

Saved by the bus stop, a bus suddenly parked in front of us as if the heavens are letting me escape from this humiliating state. "I-I gotta get on this bus!" I hurriedly climbed on the vehicle.

"Ah! Mary! Wait a second!"

I turned around from the doors of the bus, closing us apart.

He raised his folded umbrella. "My- my umbrella! Thanks for bringing it back!" He shouted.

I only nodded in response as the bus started moving.

It's okay.

It didn't get through him.

It didn't get through.