Imma do this as a diary entry, just a different way of writing it. Hope you guys like it xxx
Dear Diary,
You have always been my release, my way to say what I mean in detail without actually having to say it out loud,my way of getting out everything I feel.
Today, I need that.
I broke up with Austin today. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
I loved him so much, I STILL love him too much.
It just wasn't enough, Is love ever enough.
We never saw each other, what's a relationship without contact.
He was always away on tour or visiting his family. Don't get me wrong I knew what I signed up for when we got together but I never imagined it would be this hard.
What's a relationship without communication.
When he's away he never texts me, the odd "hi, hope you okay?" But nothing substantial nothing with meaning. I text him "I love you" he says "I know, I'm busy right now though, can't talk"
Like what is that. Is that the message of someone who loves you. No. Not a chance in hell.
So what what I meant to do, go along with it, pretend I'm happy.
I couldn't keep up the false pretence, I had to cut it off, before I hurt even more, selfish I know right.
He fell apart when I did it.
"I gotta go" I said
"I hope you understand" I said.
He cried and said he didn't understand.
"I love you, but I just don't get the impression you love me anymore or ever did really?"
Did I say the wrong thing, should I not have said that?
"I love the bones of you" he said.
He finally said it after months on nothing, did he really mean it or is it just because I was leaving.
"If you loved me you wouldn't leave, you talk to me" he said.
"Like you talk to me when your on tour" i snapped and scoffed at him.
His tears fell again.
I gave him my keys and grabbed my things.
"I'll get my cuz to get the rest" I told him.
"Don't!l he said.
I just upped and left.
I glanced back at him and smiled.
"I'll always love you" I said and turned and walked out the door.
Did I do the right thing?
Did I go about it wrong?
Should I have spoken to him?
Don't tell me...I know I could've handled that a lot better.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
But is love enough?
Was it ever really going to work?
I guess we'll never know because I just walked out the door and waved goodbye to the only life I knew, the only life that made me happy, the only life that gave me purpose.
Maybe I made a mistake....
14/08/2019
It's a short and sad one, I apologise, but I hope you guys like it though....
There could be a part 2... if you guys want it?❤️
On another note, hope you all had a good day/are having a good day, what you guys done or doing?
I've been at work then I've come home and chilled☺️
