Not Alone

Chapter 2: The Loneliness

I kick the table as I walk towards the kitchen for a glass of water and cereal. I'm still in my boxers and just woke up. It's been a week since I lost the two loves of my life. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Had I really lost them? I didn't know anymore. I felt like my life was over. I had been in bed moping for days when I decided I need to do something to get my mind off of everything.

It takes only ten minutes to get from my apartment to Starbucks but on a day like today it took me an hour. When I drove by her apartment I had to stop and wait if I could see her. But after 10 minutes of sitting in my small Toyota, I felt like she would recognize me. So I drove off then broke into tears halfway down the road and then had to stop cause I could no longer see. I couldn't help but feel like a wimp because I kept bursting into tears. I haven't cried since I was 6 and my mom yelled at me for breaking the family Christmas tree topper. But I realize this is different from anything I have ever gone through. I loved her, so, so, much I couldn't have loved her more. But she didn't feel the same I guess. If what we had was real how could she be fine. My heart was dead.

"Hello?" I said as I answered the phone trying to make it not sound like I had been crying.

"Kyle? Hey it's Mike?" Mike has been my best friend since the first day of High School. When I moved to Denver.

"Hey man." I said now allowing him to hear the infliction of pain in my voice.

"I was calling to see if you wanted to go somewhere and grab a bite, but bro are you alright?"

"Some food sounds great. That would give me time to tell you about what's been going on." I say.

"Ricardo's alright?" He asks. Ricardo's is the best pizzeria in town.

"Sounds great I'll be there in 10 minutes to get us a table." Then I hung up. I don't know how I will be able to tell him. But I think it will be good for me to vent my feelings.

When I arrive there is no wait for a table so they take me right to a table by a window and I order a sweet tea. Mike doesn't arrive but 5 minutes after me. When he sits down he orders a beer then looks at me with worried eyes.

"So?" He aggs on.

"We lost him. Then I lost her." I said. Right after I said it I started to tear up. But then remember I was in public.

"You lost the baby?"

"And Cassidy." I mumble. But Mike understands.

"Bro." He says holding his hand over his mouth in disbelief.

I nod in answer.

"Sometimes life just wants to keep kicking you even when you are down, man." He says as if he was quoting a scripture.

"Why hasn't it stopped kicking me then dude?" I ask now gasping for air as I talk.

"It won't stop until it decides it's done." He uses his hands to gesture when he talks.

"I wish it would be done already."

"We all do."

"I know I'm not the only one who's going through stuff but this feels like crap."

"And it will for a while." Then we stop talking for a little bit to order our pizza and absorb the discussion that had just taken place.