detox || memeulous x imallexx

renounce of hope

alex needed to get george out the apartment. and quick.

he was at his limit. he needed to escape from himself. he promised himself he was going to do it. it would release him from this non-stop fucking pain.

alex's mind was going crazy. was he actually about to do this? yes. he had nothing to loose! well, he did have george to loose, but everyone dies eventually, and alex can tell that he's affecting george, and not in a good way. he was doing this to save himself, but more importantly, george.

"um, hey, george, can you go out and get us a mcdonalds?" he asked. he didn't really want the mcdonald's, he just wanted george out the flat. george grabbed his coat and told alex he'd be back in a minute.

the moment alex heard the front door shut, his bottom lip trembled violently. he silently sobbed, tears rolling down his face without stopping. he then let a shriek of heartache, clenching his fists and putting them against his face.

he grabbed the bottle of pills from the bottom draw. staring hesitantly for a moment, he opened them and poured a handful in his palm. he wiped his tears - this was his end. he would never see george and his beautiful smile ever again. this was the death of alex elmslie. if only he had lived long enough to do something with his life.

"alex?" he turned his head. it was george.

"i..." alex's bottom lip trembled, "i thought you had gone..."
"i forgot my card, alex what the fuck are you doing?!" george demanded, obviously in shock.
"i didn't want to tell you,"
"tell me right now,"

"i, i have depression," alex started, "these are pills i take to try and help. but they don't work. nothing ever fucking works out for me, george. why can't i just be happy? why can't i make you happy?" he cried into his palms, eyebrows furrowed.

"why didn't you tell me?" george's voice echoed through the dark room. he tried to say something - anything; but all he could do was stand there in shock with hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

"i didn't want to hurt you," alex admitted defeat. none of this was a lie, it just wasn't the full truth. he hadn't told george he was planning suicide.

"hurt me..?" george's voice shook. "alex you not telling me hurt me more than ever. why would you even think that? you know i would've tried to help you."
"i know that. but im already too much of a burden. i'm affecting you," alex's eyes met georges, and for the first time, he saw that george had finally broke. george was broken, and it was alex's fault. he knew he deserved what was coming to him.
"i'm sorry. i want to leave. i don't deserve you, i feel so guilty everyday, i feel bad that i'm dragging you down with me, you have so much potential and i'm weighing you down. please leave. leave before i break you even more than i have,"

george walked up to alex, who was sitting on the bed. he wrapped him in his arms and squeezed him tight.
"you're my boyfriend. you'll never be a burden, no matter what. please talk to me," alex was choking on his own tears at this point.
"i'm trying, i promise, it's so, so hard. i regret everything i say straight after i say it and it's pathetic,"
"alex, don't you dare ever keep anything from me again, ok?" george sobbed into his boyfriends shoulder, making alex cry even more. "i want to help you; please let me do that,"

"yes george, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, i wanted to tell you but i couldn't bring myself too it, i promise i'll tell you everything from now on, i'm sorry," alex rambled, wailing like a child.

"i'm gonna get you some proper help, ok?" george promised, sniffling into alex's shoulder. he stood up, and ran alex a bath. once the younger boy had got out, he laid next to his boyfriend in bed, his hair dripping onto the pillow.
"thank you baby. i love you," alex murmured tiredly, before falling asleep.