As I Collide, I See I Am a Paradox // White Collar

THIRTY-EIGHT

she felt like feeling nothing
she just wants to forget
she just wants to free herself
she's just tired of regret

~

"Do you really want to know?"

Does she? Kira thought about it. If Towner's not her father, then that meant that her father truly didn't give a damn. That meant he had no excuse and honestly, Kira didn't think she cared enough to hear it. The ache of learning of her mother's death was still too near and Kira winced visibly. "No." She said, her gaze distant and sad. She needs to get back on topic. She needs to get back on topic so she can leave this godforsaken park and have a moment alone. She would have to dodge Alex, sure, but she needed a moment alone. A moment to herself. A moment to process all that is happening.

It was required.

She almost began to feel sick to her stomach again and Kira gulped in an effort to keep it all down, "What I need to know is: What do you want with the Music Box?"

"I don't want the Music Box." He said, "Your father does and I want your father in handcuffs."

"I've only just heard of it. I don't know where it is. And neither does Alex."

"That's not gonna make me stop chasing you, Bailey." His eyes narrowed into slits now and Kira thought it was supposed to be intimidating, "I know what you are. I know how far you've fallen. I'll find something on you sooner or later. And I'll drag you, your father, and Alex Hunter in with handcuffs."

Kira knew that was his ways of saying watch your back because I'm always watching. He stood and she followed. He tilted his head then and Kira thought she almost saw the glimpse of a smile, "You look like her, you know? Your mother." He said and then the smile actually grew, "Andrea. Andy." He looked like he wanted to just reach his hand out and touch her, "Your hair. Your lips." He exhaled deeply, "The resemblance is almost..." He trailed off and then shook his head, washing himself of Kira. Towner cleared his throat, "...Don't look for him." This caught her attention as he spoke, "Your father is...he's a dangerous man and for your own safety, I suggest you stay away from him."

Kira nodded silently and without another word, Towner backed away and retreated. She watched him go for a few seconds then pulled out her cell when she received a text.

Alex
Meet at the house.

Kira sighed as she left her on read and stuffed her phone back into her pockets. Alex was nearby, she knew that. It was only a precaution. But now she had to face her back at the house and Kira didn't know if she was up for that. She just needed time to process. Time to think. She needed time to think on what she would report to Alex.

And it only took her a split-second to decide that she would not tell her about her mother. The guilt, the pain was too much to bear. And Kira would not be able to stand the embarrassment of anyone knowing that she killed her mother. Not even Alex. Not Mozzie. Not anyone. No. She would keep this to herself. No one has to know.

No one has to know except her.

A few may know she is selfish. A few may know she is a thief, a criminal, a con, but no one has to know that she is a murderer, as well. And as long as Kira can keep it to herself, she will.