As I Collide, I See I Am a Paradox // White Collar

FIFTY-FOUR

Everything is falling apart,
It is too late to see.
No one is left to trust.

~

"I could just tell them about you, that you're a Fed, that you work for Scott Towner." After Phil was long gone, their plan thoroughly discussed, a voice came from behind Kira. A voice that she was too familiar with. They said it as nonchalantly as she did. She tensed as she turned slowly, coming face-to-face with the owner of said voice:

Neal.

"You followed me." Was all she could say in response. And she watched his expression change from alertness to disappointment. Witnessing his mixed emotions towards her hurt more than she could have ever put into words. She was now only grasping how much she always thrived to never fail him, Mozzie, or Jayson. But this was clearly not the answer he was hoping for.

"I followed you." He repeated in answer. "You're a better liar than I've given you credit for, Kira. A month?" Neal shrugged with the swing of his head, "That's impressive." He nodded. "Guess we should have seen it coming. We are all cons, after all. It's just that...most of us don't con our friends."

"I deserve that." She said dejectedly and hung her head.

"Yeah, you do." An indescribable emotion crossed over Neal's face. Kira couldn't describe it if she wanted to. "You lied. You lied about Towner and about Marty. What else have you lied about?"

"I didn't lie. I simply withheld the truth." Kira points at him in a way that made Neal wonder if she thought she won this, "Not the same thing."

"Why? Mozzie and Jayson I understand, but I've never shown you judgement. I have never given you reason not to trust me." Neal told her quietly. He didn't know why her dishonesty was upsetting him so much.

"Why do you care?" She asked harshly, her head swinging from side-to-side. "You don't understand what it feels like to know that everyone you know would despise you if they knew who you truly were."

"I know exactly how that feels." Neal said exasperatedly and thought for a moment that he saw her eyes widen. Is that how he truly feels? Of course if Kate and Adler discovered his real name as Neal Caffrey, there would be no coming back from that. But the fact that he thought that she, Mozzie, and Jayson could ever hate him felt like a slap in the face. What could possibly make him think that? Does he think that if he doesn't pull through with the password, with the con as he is supposed to, then they will think of him as a failure?

Weak?

She couldn't possibly understand his thought process, but by the expression on his face at her words, he understood her's. That moment...on the bench where she showed him who she truly was, where she chose not to run from her problems, but to face them head-on. And it benefited her.

"Don't think I haven't noticed." He said and tilted his head as if it showed him a clearer picture, "That sudden trip to Copenhagen? The fact that you won't tell anyone about it. Come on, Kira. What's going on?"

She really had to think hard about it. And that was bad. That caused a headache. She shouldn't be thinking this early. There should be a law against it. She shook her head, trying to free it from it's pain. And somehow, words began to splutter out of her mouth at an unknown pace, "I just, um..." She was stuttering, stumbling on her words. She never does that. And it seems Neal had the same thought because he straightened. He knew that if Kira was having trouble talking, speaking, saying whatever it was, then it must be bad. She never stumbled over her words.