For the past days, i couldn't meditate or get into the I AM state because of my life and mental health and thought that it was over for me, but i did it and anyone can, i'm just going straight to the point about the experience that i just had, i want to apologise if it's weird and blurry because i'm typing this right after what happened and i'm still in a state of confusion and shock, i shifted to two realities (not my waiting room) if i can say that.
Today, i decided to try again to get to the i am state, i was on my back on my bed just being aware of my breath, until i felt that i was in a different state so i decided to repeat only 'i am' this time, i kept doing it until i felt like i was only an awarness and before i could catch up to shift something happened, look so what happened next it wasn't a dream or a vision, i was completely aware of being real in a body, i was standing up in a corner of my actual room's door seeing a kind of golden fly (i couldn't distinguish what it was, it was so special) flying towards me, everything was real, suddenly i got back to the senses of the body from where i started, and because i was afraid of that fly my leg automatically like moved i was so confused of what happened or where or who i am, but i continued.
The next thing was the wildest, after a few minutes of repeating 'i am' again and completely being in another state, i've found myself conscient again perceveing life through the eyes of a different person this time, it was also a reality this time not a dream or a vision, i was in a kind of a mountain, the air was so fresh, it was so beautiful, and there was like in front of me a wooden house built in a different way from the houses here, i was a girl, i had a long brown braid i also remembered that i was short, wearing a brown coat because it was cold, i started running behind someone that was maybe a friend or a lover, i was yelling after him then i literally jumped on his back and hugged him, it felt so warm, then we got inside of the house, there was wooden weird stairs just when i got into it, and a reception, so i think that it was hotel, there was a women there talking to me, and an arrogant girl who was dressed in expensive clothes, she was complaining about how we were living in misery while she was coming down from the stairs, then everything was so confusing to me, i felt like i came back here but at the same time i was there, something happened there but i can't remember, then when i got here it felt normal it still feels, so i just kept repeating 'i am' then i decided to open my eyes, it took me a moment to realise what happened, sorry if this whole post is a mess, i don't know how i can react, it's the first time something happened like this. In none of the experiences i knew that i am 'originally' from this reality, i felt like i was there my whole life.
Honestly, i don't know for how much time since i started to meditate until i opened me eyes after the experiences, maybe 30 minutes or more but i totally lost the track of time, i don't even know why i was conscient in those bodies and realities, it is still so blurry to me, and i want to add again that i wasn't 'lucid dreaming' or hallucinating at all, i was completely aware like i am aware that i am typing this post.
As a background, as a motivation, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, i don't want to go into details, so that's why i couldn't even meditate or try to shift, today it was the same but i gave it a try, the point is please don't give up, keep practicing, it will come for you, don't compare yourself to others i used to do it, and it will only make you feel worse, i could never imagine myself writing a spiritual experience because my whole life i felt like a depressed loser that had no purpose in life just one day ending her life at the age of 14, but we are in control of everything.
You can ask me any questions, and my dms are always opened to talk about anything.
