Well...Alright | Buddy Holly

Pregnant (V.H)

December 25th, 1959. 1:04 pm. Denver Medical Center.

The words keep running through my head.

"Mrs. Holley, were you aware that you're pregnant?"

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant and I've been drinking and smoking. I'm pregnant and got into a plane crash. I'm pregnant and I didn't even know. Merry Christmas to me, I'm pregnant.

What if I hurt the baby with such careless behaviors? What if the crash hurt it? What if I miscarry again? What if I'm just a bad mom?

"Mrs. Holley, were you aware that you're pregnant?"

Buddy's barely out of surgery. He just got out yesterday at around midnight. I can't tell him I'm pregnant while we're stuck here in the Denver Medical Center. He's worried enough about me and Tommy and Waylon. Waylon still hasn't woken up. He was put into a coma after we got here.

I have 7 broken ribs and a concussion. That has to hurt a baby. I can't be pregnant. I can't. I'm not ready for a baby, especially now, right after this incident.

"Mrs. Holley, were you aware that you're pregnant?"

No. No I was not aware that I'm pregnant. I can't even think of a time where the condom broke. I missed my period, sure, but my cycle has always been irregular.

What the hell am I supposed to do? How do I tell Buddy? How do I tell anyone? What will the press think? Buddy and I have wanted kids since forever but not right now. Not this soon.

The nurse, Bethy, pops her head in. "Sorry, Mrs. Holley, I hate to interrupt your thoughts, but I got you some prenatal vitamins. You can go see Buddy whenever, but beware, he's a little out of it."

I blink hard and nod. "Yeah, thank you,"

She comes and gives me a Dixie cup with a couple giant pills in it. "Wait, how am I supposed to swallow these?!" I exclaim.

She purses her lips and shrugs. "Oh, honey, I know. I thought the same thing when I started prenatal care. Were you trying for a baby?"

I shake my head hard, causing it to start aching once more. "No, no, not at all. I don't know how this happened. We aren't ready for a baby. Not yet,"

She gently rubs my back. "I'm sorry, but things happen for a reason. You'll be a great mother. You seem so caring."

"I'm only twenty-three,"

"I know, dear, but it'll all play out. You just have to let it be. It is what it is,"

I grab my blankets and pull them up higher. "I can't take these, they'll choke me,"

"Honey, please, you have to, for the baby,"

I frown and point to my cup of water.

Bethy hands me the cup and I glance at the pills one more time before pouring them into my mouth quickly and chugging the water, praying not to gag.

I somehow manage to get them down but gag once they're down. "Please take me to Buddy?" Maybe seeing him will make me feel better.

She nods and unlocks the breaks on the bed and starts rolling me down to his room. He's in intensive recovery and I was in normal. Waylon and Tommy are still in Intensive Care.

Once we get in, I see Buddy without his glasses, staring at the television. I imagine it must be nothing more than blobs.

"Buddy, Vi is here to see you!" Bethy chirps as she rolls my bed up next to his. His leg is in a thick cast and being elevated by a sling.