The Love Song

Cleaning and Conversations

"I'm sorry." Is the first thing he says after we part. 

I'm not sorry, that's for sure. The kiss was amazing. 

"I shouldn't... That was stupid," He says,"I'm still technically dating Hannah..." 

My lips form an o. How could I have been so stupid? That was way too sudden, way too rushed. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." I say, "I think the party's over..." I quickly look down and rush out of the room, and go downstairs. I turn off the music and announce for everyone to leave. They groan at the sudden forceful departure, but soon the only people left are Aoife and Thomas. Georgia had to drive her drunk sister and her friend home, and Aoife decided to stay the night. 

"I'm going to head out, too." Thomas said awkardly. "Nice party, thanks." 

I just nod, my eyes to the floor. I'm ttrying to hold back the tears, but as soon as he door closes behind him I erupt into sobs. 

"Aoife!" I whine. "I feel so embarrassed!" 

"What happened?" She says, sitting down on the couch and pulling me with her. "I saw you go upstairs.. You didn't..." 

"No, no." I say, sniffling and rubbing my eyes, knowing that my layers of makeup were running down my face. "We kissed, and I thought it was perfect... But it was all a mistake to him. He was complaining about his girlfriend... And Aoife, I just wanted it to work out. It was all so perfect as it was happening... I..." 

She puts a finger to her lips to tell me to stop talking and pulls me into a hug. I cry on her shoulder, thankful for the awesome friend. 

"If it's meant to be, it will be." She says. I nod, though I'm not sure I believe her. I felt like it was meant to be, but he didn't. How could it ever work out? 

I go to bed, feeling better but still sullen. My mind replays the kiss, over and over. What was said before, but definitely what was said after. Sorry has never felt like such an awful word. 

The next morning I wake up late. It's eleven o'clock and Aoife has already gone home. She left a note saying she had to go to church. I groan; I was supose to be at church an hour ago. I make a mental note to call Kelly and apologize for not being there, but there was no way it was happening today. After a quick shower, and still dripping wet, I check my phone. It has been bombarded with messages. Twitter notifications shine on the screen, snapshots of the party with me tagged on Facebook, and videos of me singing loudly on YouTube. I didn't realize how crazy I'd been, but it looked super fun. And the comments were positive, so that was good. 

Finally, I checked my texts. Georgia sent a funny picture of Lucy and Leila wearing sunglasses and frowns, clearly hung-over. I laughed, and answered with a quick "LOL". Lauren had texted me a message reminding me of when she would pick me up Monday and asked how I was doing. She hadn't known about the party, so I just said "Good". Even though I wasn't. I was still confused and worried about all that had happened with Thomas last night. 

Just as my heart is starting to melt from the feel of his lips, my heart pounds furiously when I get a text from him. 

"need help cleaning up? i think we need to talk" He sent. 

"please." I reply. We did need to talk, no matter how much I was dreading the "Loser, I have a girlfriend back off" conversation. 

When he came over I was dressed in jeans and a hoodie, with my hair in a mess. I don't need to be beautiful for a jerk who thinks it's okay to kiss everyone. 

"Hi." He said as he stepped inside my house.

"Hi," I say, "Look I just-"

"Gabrielle," He interupted, and I was glad. I had no idea what I was going to say. "I just wanted to say that I apologize for kissing you last night, even though I had a girlfriend."

Wait, had a girlfriend? Did anyone else notice that? My face remained unchanged, but he looked at me as if it were my turn to talk. I was still speechless. 

"So, I hope that now that I don't have a girlfriend... It would be okay for me to kiss you again?" In a few quick steps we were together, and he did as he said. I didn't pull away, but something was wrong. 

"Thomas," I said, breaking apart. "You dumped Hannah? Why?"

"Didn't I make that clear last night? She's too self-centered, and.... I... I like you. A lot." 

My heart was fluttering, but this was happening too fast. 

"No, wait," I said, as he came closer to me. My hands intinctively went to his chest to sheild myself from him. "This is way too sudden, Thomas. We just met, you just broke up with your girlfriend..." 

His eyes changed. They went from confident to unsure, to confused to thoughtful.

"So let's get to know each other." He said. "I'll help you clean up this mess, and we can talk."

I nodded my head, and went to the closet to get some brooms. 

 He was so slick. Everything about him was confident and sure, but there was something hidden in his eyes. Something that proved that he was a really good actor. He was hiding his fear and worry. 

He too the broom I gave him and started sweeping up the snacks that had taken flight during the party. I used my time to starightnen my house. There were glasses, napkins, bowls, and decorations everywhere. I even found someone's shoes hidden under my couch. 

"So," Thomas said, breaking the silence. "You're back to work tomorrow, eh?" 

"Eh?" I ask, as far as I knew, only Canadians said that. "Were you born in New York?" I didn't have a New York accent because my parents grew up in different states, but  neither did Thomas. 

"No, actually. I came here from Alberta to get my career going. My agent suggested it."

"Alberta?" I asked.

"Alberta is a province in Canada." He said, "Have you ever been to Canada?" 

"Nope," I said.

"Well you gotta go! Come with me sometime!"

I smiled at him. Going on a trip with Thomas sounded amazing. 

"So, what are we?" Thomas asks when we're finally done cleaning the house.

Question of the hour. I knew I liked Thomas. I'd been trying to get his attention for weeks. But now that I had it, I didn't know if I could do it. We were brought together by fate over and over again. Accidents, and run-ins.Our paths collided, literally and figuratively. It felt like it should be straight forward. We're both on the same page. There was no denying the chemistry. But... 

"I don't know." I admit. I look down. "What about our careers, Thomas? We're both struggling in this crazy business. We don't know each other very well."

"Gabrielle, we both know that there's a connection."

"But is there?" I ask, "It took you long enough to figure it out."

"I knew from the first day there was something special about you. I just didn't know what it was. Now I do; I know that you're beautiful, and caring, and talented, and creative, and so many other perfect things." 

"I don't know, Thomas."

"Gabrielle," He said, and took my hands, "Will you go on a date with me, at least?" 

His eyes plead into mine, and I know the answer I want to give, and he wants to hear. 

Btu instead I say,"I can't...".

Our conversation ends there. His eyes stare into mine and I try to hide my true feelings: I love him so much. But I can't let him get in the way of my dreams, and I can't get in the way of his. This shouldn't have ever come this far.

"Okay." He says, and opens the front door. "I'll go. But when you're done worrying, call me." 

I look down, ashamed. I'd been the one to start this. I'm the one who made this mess. It's my fault. 

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