oxygen (e.d.)

chapter six

<ethan>

i couldn't stop thinking about seeing riley as i drove home from the store.

i couldn't stop thinking about seeing riley as i fell asleep last night.

and now, i can't stop thinking about seeing riley as i sit on my beach towel.

my head got too crowded, so i put down my solo cup and ventured off on my own.

"she's doing it again," i say angrily, "she can't get back in my head."

you have a life now.

you're doing fine without her.

you don't need her.

the music blares a couple hundred yards down the beach, and i see all my "friends."

hell, i don't even know half their names. i just get drunk with them.

sighing, i pick up a handful of sand and let it slip through my fingers.

the sand reminds me of riley, falling out of my grasp with no hope to save her. i watch the grains mix with the others, indistinguishable.

i look up, the sun making me squint and place a hand in front of my eyes. i smell the water and watch the waves lap over each other.

before i can tell my brain to stop, it gets a memory of riley begging us to go to the beach.

flashback;

"please?" she pouts.

"riley," i laugh, "it's october. it would be freezing."

"we could make it fun,"

"maybe when it's warm. for spring break we can go back home and go to the beach."

"it'll be cold too, then." she frowns

"how about this," i say, sitting up, "i promise you we'll go to the beach this summer. sitting in the sand, getting ice cream from the boardwalk, laying in the sun... all that fun stuff."

"this summer?" she asks, holding out her pinky.

"this summer." i promise, locking my finger with hers. 

we both kiss our thumbs and press them together, sealing the agreement.

end of flashback.

i feel a pang of guilt, upset i broke the promise.

i can't lie and say there isn't a day that goes by where i don't think of her.

usually the thoughts come when its late and i'm wasted. i'd take out my frustration on some random girl i'd call.

not healthy, i know, but it was a coping method.

i take one long look at the beach once again and sigh, packing up my things.

maybe a few shots and i won't think about her anymore.