oxygen (e.d.)

short chapter 6: almost

{riley}

i shut my eyes tight and grip the stick.

please please please please.

don't let it be like last time again.

i open my eyes and shift my weight from one leg to the other.

ethan and i just can't seem to get pregnant.

but, hopefully, this time is different than the others.

i see a line start to show up, and my heart races, getting hopeful.

but nothing else comes.

i let out a defeated sighs and furrow my eyebrows, as if trying to make another line magically appear.

it doesn't.

i wait for another 30 minutes, staring between the clock and the pregnancy test.

"no," i whisper, close to tears, "nononono."

out of pure frustration, i throw the stick at the bathroom mirror, and watch as it cracks.

i let out a frustrated scream and lean against the wall, trying to control myself before ethan hears me and i have to tell him i failed another one.

"riley?" a soft voice says from the outside of the bathroom door.

too late, i think, shaking my head. 

"baby,"

i wish.

"can i come in?" ethan asks.

i sniffle and unlock the door. he pushes it open and takes one look at me, and then at the mirror.

"this is the second one you've broken," he jokes, trying to squeeze a laugh out of me, "might need to think of other coping methods."

he notices i don't seem amused, and reaches for the test on the ground where it lays. he flips it over and let's out a sigh.

i'm failing him.

he turns back to me, his face heavy set and eyes tired.

"i'm sorry," i whisper.

"this isn't your fault," he says in a low voice, bringing me into a tight hug, "this isn't anyone's fault."

"but what about-"

"life is all planned out, riley. we're just along for the ride. we're only 29. things can change. nothing is set in stone." he mumbles into my hair.

i nod and try to stop the tears from falling down my face. ethan leans down and kisses them away, which makes me let out a small, strangled laugh.

"all we can do is try again."