Beautiful You

this is me

This chapter isn't about you're supposed to be or who you should be or could be or about your potentials or scars. This is about me. The person who has been writing this book for so long and yet struggles everyday.
So maybe i will take it down sooner or later but i just felt like i needed my thoughts to be heard.

Or is it for validation?
I don't know.

So I'm the kind of person who loves to be optimistic, to hope for the better no matter what, to see the light in the darkest of the days, to help people see some light, to help people love themselves. But turns out, i dont really love myself. I dont love myself the way i should love myself.

Because if i did, i wouldn't have put others first, i wouldn't have self sabotaged in a very vicious psychological cycle of mine.

Do you know the feeling when you feel like you're an option to everyone else while you prioritize them? Well, i have been feeling that way for so many years now.

But do you know why you feel that way? Because you taught others that you come second. You taught others that they come first. You made yourself available for them every waking second of your day.

So its on you. Its harsh but its true.

You teach people how to treat you. You're the one who is in control and its your choice.

But growing up in this society, it makes me ponder over the questions, "how do you not feel jealous?"
"How do you not feel insecure?"
"How do you feel like you're good enough?"

Is there a book for how to not feel a certain way? If yes, please share it with me xD

I know we all are beautiful in our own ways, that we all have our own scars and potentials.

But thats the thing. i just know them.

I dont accept it entirely that im good enough. That im worthy of love. That someone could love me for me. That i could love me for me.

It sucks but I'm just sixteen so I'll get there eventually.

But you know, the thing is you're not alone. There are so many people who feel the same way. Who go through what you're going. Try reaching out to people who would inspire you, who would make you want to be the better version of yourself.

Because no matter what you think, you're stronger than you know, more worthy than you feel, more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.

My pm is always open to you. You can always, always message me if you ever feel like talking.
You're not alone.

Smile. Be kind. Fall in love with yourself.

xoxo
Ava