LAW OF ATTRACTION

CHAPTER 25 : BIG DECISIONS

"Now, your turn!" Alex drags me to the back of the library. The literature section, I don't even need to read the sign to recognize the place. Those shelves covered with rows of books of all sizes, shapes, ages, and from various horizons, all unique, I know these alleys very well, since I often lose track of time here.

"It's useless." I sigh.

"If you've made me apply for science scholarships even though there's no chance they grant me one, then you can do it too!"

We're currently in homeroom class, and the teacher has brought us to the library to allow us to do researches for our college applications and to help us with our big decisions for next year. I've kept bugging Alex to apply for scholarships for the past 30 minutes, so now, I guess it's his turn.

"They'll never grant a literary scholarship to a student in a scientific path, and you know I can't pay..." I say quietly as the words are still hard to pronounce out loud even if I've come to terms with them a long time ago.

"How did you say?" Alex lifts an eyebrow. "'You never know if you never try'?" He gives me one of his cocky smirks, knowing he's convincing me.

I glance around, finding the comfort of books everywhere around. Each book holds an infinite within its pages, and it engulfs me in an impression of endless possibilities that I don't have. So I try to look at something else, but besides Alex – who also gives me wings every time I catch the infinite of his tenebrous gaze – there is not much to focus on.

Given that we're in a 'scientific' class, most of the students are in the science section of the library. The library is weirdly organized. Instead of putting all the higher education information in the same section, they place them by themes with the other books, which explains why we're alone in this part of the library, not that I'm complaining, on the contrary!

"Hey! This is perfect for you!" Alex points to a poster right in the middle of the white wall.

My eyes widen, though I recognize immediately the bright red letters on a pale background illustrated with pages of books flying around, and I curse in my head the one who has put it here.

"Look! You gotta enter!" He looks back at me, a shine in his tenebrous eyes that makes my heart soar.

"I already know about it," I mumble, unable to lie under his attentive stare.

I think back to when my literature teacher, who is also in charge of the school newspaper, has told me about this contest, laboring the point. Yet I have no intention of entering.

"This not for me. I'm not enough experienced and talented." I look down, avoiding cowardly his piercing eyes that give me too much faith.

But he puts two fingers under my chin, making me hold his meaningful gaze.

"This is a contest for 'amateur and new talents'. It's written here." He cocks one eyebrow; an amused expression dancing in his eyes before they turn back to a serious intensity. "It costs nothing to try. If you lose, you lose, but if you win – and I'm sure you'll win, because you're REALLY talented – you can win a publishing contract. It's awesome!" he concludes with a bright smile.

I offer him a tiny smile in return. "I'll think about it..."

"Oh! Believe me, you're gonna do it!" he assures me with a convincing and convinced smirk.

I glance at the poster once again like it would give me an answer or the courage to try, but I remember why I've pushed it back as I get lost in my internal dilemma between my insecure, anguished whirring that makes me doubt myself, and my quiet dreamer voice that whispers me to try to pursue my dream. The battle is deafening, but useless.