LAW OF ATTRACTION

CHAPTER 37 : CAPABLE

'Romeo and Juliet', my fingers slide over the spine of the book, grazing it as if it was made of lava burning me deep inside, and maybe it's even worst. Those rows of books seem to be caging me with memories flooding my mind and searing my aching heart. I can still feel his touch, his lips, his eyes that have made me believe I am capable of anything.

But now, I'm standing alone in this library's alley.

"Hey." I'm startled by the voice that still manages to make me shiver every time.

"Hey," I reply quietly when I turn around and meet these tenebrous eyes haunting my dreams every night, though I haven't seen their light since three months.

"Here the book you needed." Alex hands me a thick book, avoiding my gaze.

Actually, he is avoiding all of me, all the time. If at first, I've tried reaching for him, I don't anymore. The less I see him, the less it is painful, his coldness burning way too much my broken heart.

So now I only catch glimpses of him here and there at school, and our work sessions for the physics project come down to three minutes encounters, at the most, to check in the advancement, otherwise we each work on our own.

"Thanks." Electricity tickles my skin when his fingers brush mine on the book, but like every other sensation I have near him, I ignore it. "When do you need it back?"

"You can keep it. I've finished the fourth part. I don't need it anymore." He shrugs.

"Okay... er... maybe we should pool what we've already done?" I suggest, fiddling with the corners of the book.

The air around us is strained and electric, even after all this time.

"Oh, um... later, before the oral, when we're completely finished."

I don't even point out that the oral is in less than two weeks; it's clear he doesn't want to spend more time with me.

"Okay, so... if there's nothing else... I'll go." My heart constricts in my chest as he just nods.

I throw him one last glance, memorizing all those little details that I already know by heart in just one second: his brown curls that are now growing wilder, his sharp jaw that I now only see tensed, his strong arms wrapped in his famous leather jacket, and his whole dark aura that is drawing me in, no matter how I fight.

So, I walk away, though every muscle in my body is yearning to stay. Each step I take is a superhuman effort, and I move like an automaton, my heart, my mind, well, all of me permeated with him.

It's been three months, and I still don't know how to function properly, how to live, how to be without him. It's like I don't remember who I've been before; it's all a blur before, before Alex.

I'm pulled out of my daze by whistle blows and hollers. I haven't even noticed that I have already arrived at the gymnasium. It should be worrying, but by now, I'm starting to get used to being stunned, knocked out every time I see Alex. That's maybe why it's better to stay away.

I shake his image away from my mind, even though it's imprinted everywhere else, and I focus on what's is in front of me.

I return shyly the wave Moose is giving me, and I sit down in the front row.

He's told me to meet him there after his practice, but they seem to play extra time, so I'll have to wait once more. But I guess it's the role of a good girlfriend, and since I already don't fulfill most of the others, I can make an effort. Besides, Moose has been quite a good boyfriend, well when we hang out together, which is not often because he has a really 'busy schedule', though I won't complain; I'm not really eager to see him.