Fatat Al Jasus

Doubts

I read the paragraph again and again, I feel numb. My own dad, he knew this, of course, he did. He did this on purpose. But why?

I rush down to the living room where dad is watching T.V. Mom is talking on the phone. I stand exactly in the middle of the room, blocking my dad's vision on the T.V.

"What? Taylor, please move, it's a piece of very important news that I am watching right now." Dad says in annoyance.

I don't move, nor do I say a word. I just stare at him furrowing my brows. Dad then diverts his focus towards me from the T.V.

"I'll talk to you later."Mom says and cuts the call, I notice mom's worried tone, but I don't look at her, I keep staring at dad. Dad sees the contract paper in my hand. He then looks at me.

"Is there any problem, Taylor?" Dad asks, his facial expression clearly showing that he knows what problem I might have.

"Taylor, what happened?" Mom's tone has a mixture of curiosity and worry.

I hand over the contract to her and point out that specific paragraph. Mom starts to read,

"Once you join NIA, you will do your missions and operations out of pure patriotism. If you become successful in a certain mission or operation, you will be rewarded, but if you get caught then NIA will refuse-" Mom stops, looks at me with fear and worry and then proceeds on her reading.

"-then NIA will refuse to recognize you and it's on your hand to save yourself. But because of your work and sacrifice your family will be given security and financial support will be increased." Mom finishes reading the paragraph, her voice almost inaudible at the end.

Mom snaps at dad, "James..." and then she just keeps staring at him, speechless.

"Alice, she is my daughter too, I know what's best for h-" Dad couldn't finish his sentence, mom shouts at him, "No, you don't know what's best for her or you don't want to know what's best for her. You only care about your reputation, you are selfish James."

"Calm down Alice, listen to me." Dad says in a pleading tone.

"No, you listen to me." Mom shouts again, "Since the moment I was pregnant, since the moment she was born, you wanted her to make you proud, and to do that you will make her do dangerous work if needed, isn't it James?" Anger dripping from mom's words.

"Alice listen to me, please." Dad pleads again.

"You still have something to say! James, I... we, we only have two daughters, and I want both of them alive till I die in my old age." Mom breaks down crying, sitting on the sofa, she covers her face with her hands.

uh oh... Maybe I shouldn't have shown this to mom.

Dad sighs and gets down on his knees. He holds mom's shoulders gently and says to mom in a pleading tone, "Alice, please come down. All parents want the safety of their kids as you want it for your kids, but the problem is not all kids are capable of saving themselves from danger, every kid is different and thus are their talents and interests. NIA has been observing Taylor for a long time, they have seen potential in her... I have seen potential in her. And of course I will want my daughter to make me proud, every parent wants that, but I won't ever push her in a danger from which she cannot save herself."

Mom stops crying, she looks at dad with puffy eyes and then leaves the living room, stomping towards her bedroom.

Dad looks at me narrowing his eyes, disappointment showing clearly on his face. "I thought that you are brave and sensible, but now I think I am wrong about my own daughter."

Dad hands me the contract paper that mom left on the sofa and says, "If you are scared after reading that paragraph then you do not need to go for training to NIA from tomorrow."

Dad lets out a deep sigh and leaves the living room. I stand there alone, trying to absorb the things that just happened and then suddenly a thought kicks in my mind. I run upstairs to my room, grab my phone and text Mr. Frazzer.

"Hello, Mr. Frazzer. Can I please get Brandon's number? "

I keep looking at my phone waiting to get a reply, moving my legs in a vibrating motion with anticipation.

My phone buzzes after a few minutes. '1 new message' It says. I immediately grab my phone and check the message.

"I am sending you the number, but let me tell you that he already has a girlfriend."

I roll my eyes reading the text. Then I type a reply to this text.

"I am not interested in dating your son, I wanted his number for professional purposes."

Then I get a message that has Brandon's number in it, but Mr. Frazzer didn't give a reply to my previous text. I shrugged it off and proceeded on messaging Brandon. I slumped on my bed with my phone and started typing.

"Hey Brandon, this is Taylor. I read the whole contract thoroughly and I guess I got the reason why you told me to read it. But my question is, how do you know that dad wanted to hide this from me?"

I keep looking at the phone, waiting for his reply. After exactly 3 minutes and 46 seconds, I got a reply.

"Haha, Taylor, you will get all your answers tomorrow... IF you want to come after all this drama... You are not the only one."

What!

I hurriedly type a reply.

"No, I want to know now!"

"Sorry Taylor, what if you decide to leave NIA and do not come tomorrow? I cannot tell you something confidential until or unless I am sure that you will stay." Brandon texted back.

"No, please Brandon, I want to know now!" I text with desperation.

"Good night Taylor." Brandon texts back.

Oh great, now I will have a sleepless night because my curiosity will keep eating my head.

Fuck my curiosity. Why am I like this?