Night Changes

day 8

𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝟏𝟖
𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡
𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

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Anika looked at me with tears flowing down her eyes. A sob escaped her lips and she looked at me with so much pain. As if each glance would be tearing her heart apart.

“I didn't meet you a week ago”, she whispered while staring at the floor. I just stared at her in confusion.

“I've known you for a while now”, she said a moment later. I was so bewildered that each word leaving her mouth seemed to confuse me.

“We used to go to the same high school. I was in my junior year when I first saw you. I tried so hard, but each time I couldn't bring myself to talk to you. And then suddenly you dropped out of school”

Anika looked up, I was still sitting there, trying to process whatever she was just telling me. It was just shocking. How did I not remember her?

“I never really understood why you decided to drop out just months before your graduation. At that time my mother was suffering from cancer and we weren't doing financially well. Nothing really seemed to work out”

Anika scooted closer to me. She grabbed my hand and I looked at her. Nothing was making sense. Our connection. What we felt. What was I to Anika?

“And then, in the midst of all chaos, I found you. You might not remember me, because to you it was a mere encounter. I was sitting on the stairs, crying my eyes out that day. You came and asked me if I was okay and I told you about my mother and how I didn't have enough money for her operation. You helped me. You tried to save her. But she didn't make it. After that you left and I didn't get to see you for a long time”

And suddenly, every faded memory that included her, came back rushing to the surface. I looked at her, but for the first time... I really saw her.

“I graduated and found a job as a baker. Months later I was walking down the street to when I saw you again. You didn't look happy. In fact, you had bandages wrapped all over your arms. And I knew why. Everyone did. There were so many rumors about you when you dropped out. I didn't believe them. I didn't want to”

She wiped her tears, but her eyes were still glossy. I looked at her hands, which were holding mine. They felt so familiar for a moment.

“You shouldn't have looked for me”, I told her and the smile on her face suddenly dropped. I knew that I was hurting her. But she had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

“What will you do now if I leave?”, I asked her and Anika went cold. She started shaking her head, before looking at me again.

“I won't let you leave”, she told me and I just chuckled coldly. I would've left without any regrets, if I hadn't met her. But now that she was with me, I didn't want to go.

“I have to leave, you know that, right?”, I told her and she looked at me, terrified. We both knew the ending. It was never supposed to be a good one.

No matter how much I wanted to be with her. And it didn't matter how much she wanted me. We were the opposite of each other. I was just another name to the list of people who had left her.

I wasn't Anika's destination. I was her path. And all paths ever did, was to lead the way.

“No, no.. no”, she dug her nails into my skin and even the pain she was causing me, seemed almost like a gift. Anika rested her head against my chest and I rubbed her back.

“I don't want you to leave. Please, don't go. There is so much we still have to do”,  her streaming hot tears were drenching my shirt, but I couldn't mind. We didn't have much time left together. So, I had to make it worth it.

“Good things will be waiting for you. Even after me”, I told her and she went quiet. I looked at her. Anika wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes had stopped twinkling and were suddenly clouded by void.

She pulled away. My hand still resting against hers. Anika looked up.

“What if I tell you that I love you?”, she said and my heart skipped a beat. My stomach started going crazy once again and I looked at her, in hope I seemed like I didn't care. But I did.

“D-do you m-ean it?”, I asked her and she didn't say anything but nodded. Anika sat up and placed her hand on my shoulder.

Anika's face was very close to mine now. Our noses were slightly touching. Just a little more and she'd have my sway. She rested her head against mine and took a deep breath.

“I'm in love with you. No matter if you're not. I don't expect you to feel the same, but I won't let you change my mind. I love you. I really do”, her voice slightly breaking.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I never got the chance to. Anika shut me up with her lips pressed against mine. She was kissing me so gently, as if I were made out of glass. As if she'd blink and I'd be gone.

My first kiss was nothing like those in the movies. I never felt the fireworks. Instead it felt like the sun hitting your skin after a cold storm.

It felt like flowers blooming in spring time. And all the beautiful things coming back to life after a very hard winter break.

Anika felt like home and I had been homeless for such a long time that I had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted.
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oof x2

Amna xx