All I want for Christmas is you.
But, that's too cliche,
It's been done before.
And besides, I know I will never have you.
So, all I want for Christmas
Is for you to tell me what we are.
To define us, put a clear line between
Who we are, and who I wish we were.
I don't want to spend every night wondering
If you like me like that, or are just
Being friendly, you know, like friends?
Please just tell me.
Tell me if I'm allowed to make jokes about us
On the group chat.
Or do I still have to message those to you
Directly?
Am I allowed to have post notifications
Turned on for all your accounts,
Is it works to always be the first
To comment?
To like?
Should I stop sending you poems I like?
Poems that explain how I feel about you?
Poems?
Is it weird that I text you and message you
Every morning and every night?
Is it bad that I get jealous when you're talking
To someone else?
Has enough time passed
That I shouldn't be spending Every waking
Moment thinking of you?
Should I not fall asleep heartbroken
Because you never replied?
Should our texts be just a string
Of texts from me, with no replies?
Is it weird that my heart skips a beat
Whenever you do reply?
Even after all this time, after everything
You put me through?
Should I even be writing this?
Probably not, but it's been stuck inside me
For days now, and it's killing me not to write.
And yes, it sucks, it's bad.
But I dunno, I kinda like it.
It's messy, and complicated and confusing and long winded,
Just like us.
~december 2018
