Unplugged | d.s (2) ✔︎

XXVIII // Taking A Jump

The bay window upstairs was where I felt most inspired. The window showed the mountains and the edge of my neighbour's house. It was such beautiful scenery that I fell into a daze for hours, staring at every tiny detail in front of me. Daniel used to say that he fell in love with me because I took notice of tiny details. For example, I noticed that Dani would randomly do a common dance move when he feels nervous or how he would smile when he really admired something and smirk because he felt like he had to smirk at a girl. I could tell recently his smile was less curved than it uses to be. I hated to take that cute smile away from him. 

"Hey you," Nate moved my legs off the bay window and sat opposite me. In his hand, he held two mugs. He gave me the mug with the words 'World Best Boss' from the show 'The Office.' "You have been here for quite some time so I wanted to bring you something. It is blood orange tea, Katherine had me taste some tea and this one is my favourite."

I smiled and sipped the warm tea, the orange taste dancing on my tongue. "She is really good for you Nate. I am happy for you."

"It pains me to say it but he was really good for you," He said. I looked away from my mug and up to my brother. His hair was in a man bun and his face was serious. "Corbyn told me to convince you to go to Europe with them."

"Of course he did," I sighed. I don't understand the huge problem with me not going to Europe. It is not like I will or could room with Daniel or Kelsey. Wouldn't it just be awkward? And far my singing in front of people fear still hasn't vanished from in my veins. 

"Noah you know he means no harm. And what are you going to do here? I want you to leave and explore what your next path is," He was trying to throw in all the big strings of me leaving which meant I needed to give the big reasons why I should stay. 

"Dad's wedding? We still have heaps to organise and I need to stay here and take care of Nor-"

"Go, Noah. Norman, Dad and all of us will be fine. You think we want to hold you back from taking opportunities?" His words had confused me because I thought he would be on my side of this argument. 

"I thought you hated their guts," I explained what I thought Nate had thought of the boys and Kelsey. This is why it confused me, not even a week ago he wanted to beat the absolute shit out of Daniel. So why did he change his mind? Why wasn't I?

"In 2010 my brother was placed in the hospital. His legs were shattered and he was at the age of six. I was absolutely shattered as a 13-year-old. I couldn't help him. But I tried, I left all my clubs so I could help him have therapy, so my younger sister didn't have to feel like she could leave her life behind. I carried him up the stairs. I spent hours and hours with my dad building a ramp for him to be able to be strong and get up and down himself. I worked months and months to help pay for a car to get him places. And then in 2013, a seventeen-year-old girl pulled my brother off of the ground and back into his chair while I was walking away. From then on she explained how she wanted to help. It took me nine years, Noah. Nine years to get off my ass and ask her out. But you see my younger sister took a jump and moved to LA, sung a song that was in the top hits and created a life of her own. So I took the jump she took. That jump she needs to take to get to the next step is just waiting and I hope she doesn't wait nine years because I wish I used those nine years to grow with Katherine rather than bury myself in pain and sorrow."

I could see Nate's point as clear as day. It pained me that I didn't see he went through the same exact shit that I went through after the crash but he grew rather than digging himself a bigger hole. "So I should forgive them?"

"No. Fuck they still make me wanna punch them but I am saying I think you shouldn't lock yourself away and throw away the key. I believe you need to leave the room to heal and grow and that means giving them a chance to explain. But Cole and Arthur leave them, the past in the past," He explains. He sips down his blood orange tea and smiles as the flavour falls down his body. I should give them a chance to explain and they need to give me a chance to show hatred. But taking that jump to the next ledge maybe what I need to do. Europe I guess is that.