Comedy 101

Chapter 4: No Matter What

I've got a new problem. Aside from Jamal, Mrs. Patterson is my problem. Well, I guess it's more of her announcement than her. She announced in homeroom that the 6th Grade Center Talent Show is coming up soon.

Talia pulls me aside in the lunchroom...which is upsetting because I was in the pizza line and almost to the front. Behind me is a line about 20 yards long.

"You HAVE to do a comedy act for the Talent Show," she says.

"I'm not sure," I say, "I don't think I'm ready. Get back to me in approximately 23 years."

I move to go to the sub sandwich line which is much shorter than the pizza one. But Talia stops me.

"I didn't ASK you to do a comedy act, Leo. I TOLD you to."

Wow. That was unexpected. Talia isn't usually like that. She must be serious.

"Why do you want me to do a comedy act," I ask,"when I'm not even that good? Jamal beat me a few months ago, remember?"

"You and I both know that was a fluke. You know you're the funniest kid in school," she replies.

"We've been over this before, Talia. My style of comedy is different than a normal 6th grader. I prefer witty and sarcastic comedy, not stupid faces. 6th graders on the other hand, just want to watch people act like idiots."

Talia sighs. "she really wants me to do this, doesn't she?" I think.

"Ok, you got out of this one. But don't expect me to stop trying," she says.

"Look, Talia. I don't even have any material. I don't want to stand in front of the the entire school telling knock knock jokes."

"Oh, come on, Leo. I'm tired of you inviting me to your pity parties. You know you have good material. Like that refrigerator joke! The one with St. Peter? I love that one! Now let me say this one more time: I didn't ask if you wanted to. I TOLD you you were GOING to."

She gets this intense look in her eyes. Almost a glare, but in a friendly and encouraging way. I feel weird.

"I'll think about it."

"Wrong answer." she says.

"Well then what's the right one?"

"How about a hint? Starts with Y. Rhymes with schmess." she answers.

"Ok, ok," I reply, "I'll think about it."

"That doesn't rhyme with schmess."

"Talia, don't you have some kind of student council meeting you need to go to?"

"Tomorrow. And you're trying out for the Talent Show. No matter what."
She turns her heel and walks swiftly away.