Madder than a Hatter (Descendants)

Novus Amicus (Edited)

Lonnie's sense of humor was the only thing that helped us create a friendship. She was willing to play along with all of my nonsense long enough for it to stay funny but not so long that the joke was lost.

I mentioned her to Mal when we were sitting in Remedial Goodness and waiting for Fairy Godmother to show up. She was running herself ragged trying to set up the coronation ahead of schedule.

"Oh, Lonnie, yeah, I know her," Mal said, grinning too widely to have any good intentions. "Used one of her tears to make a love spell."

"What?"

"It turns out that Ben's girlfriend will be seated close to the wand during the coronation, so I made a love spell to make him fall in love with me. It requires a tear of genuine whatever, I forget the specifics, but Lonnie provided it, and I made a cookie full of love spell." Mal looked extremely proud of herself. "I mean, it was the least she could do after I improved her looks."

"What?"

"I used my mom's spellbook to fix her and Jane's hair. Jane, daughter of the Fairy Godmother, is going behind Mommy Dearest's back to look pretty. Funny, right?"

"Funny, yes. But not funny ha-ha, funny weird."

"If you say so. You out-weird us all by miles."

"I think that is quite possibly the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Never say that to me again."

"I won't."

I had also taken up handing people fruits, whatever I happened to have on hand. Most of them seemed to be politely confused and accepted them, which always made me very happy.

Lonnie brought it up less than a day into my stunt. We were sitting outside at a table, eating lunch, doing our homework and complaining about whatever there was to complain about at the moment. I'd been forced to put my hair up into a bun and take off my hat so it wouldn't keep falling on my papers in front of me.

"You can't just keep handing people bananas," Lonnie told me, seemingly under the impression that the only fruit I possessed was bananas.

To placate her, I handed her a mango.

"Mangoes are off-limits, too."

"How about peaches?"

"Kiwis?"

"No, Maddie."

"Limes? Grapefruits?"

"No and no."

"Oranges? Nectarines? Apricots?"

"No." She seemed to be getting tired, so I launched the punchline prematurely just to get it out there.

"Would you settle for a pluot?"

Lonnie started to say no, but then stopped. "Maddie, what on earth are you talking about? What's a pluot?"

"I have no idea."

"Then how could I agree to it?" she asked.

I scoffed. "Stop raining on my parade, Lonnie. It's bad for your character."

She smiled and shook her head. "Sometimes I think you had something you shouldn't have had," she groaned.

"Well, alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk," I chided.

"I give up. Just please stop handing people random fruits. It wrecks their concentration."

I sighed. "Fine, I'll stop. I was running out of fruits anyway." I took a good look at her when she dropped her head to look down at her essay. Her hair was longer than when I'd first seen her, but other than that, she looked relatively the same. Jane also had long hair, a notable change from her strange bob hairstyle thing. That seemed to be the extent of the changes. "Hey, Lonnie."

"Yeah?"

"Why did you ask Mal to change your appearance?"

She jerked backwards in surprise. "Uh- what?"

"You asked Mal to change your appearance," I repeated. "Why?"

Lonnie looked down at her essay, at the trees, at her books, at my books, then back at her essay and mumbled something under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I wanted to look prettier, okay? I hated how I looked and Mal fixed that. Sue me, okay?"

"Appearance is a personal problem, but I don't see anything wrong with how you look," I said, a little confused. "You're incredibly beautiful, whether you look like it physically or not."

That made Lonnie go silent for some reason.

Fortunately, I got her to talk again by asking what she knew about magic. The answer was mostly nothing, and she quickly changed the subject. "Where is Mal, anyway?"

"On a date with Ben."

"Right, that makes sense, after that very public display."

"What public display?"

"At the tourney game, remember?"

"Oh, I wasn't there. I was hunting for frogs in a pond."

"That honestly sounds like more fun. I can't really enjoy tourney as much as I used to, considering girls aren't allowed to play. The rules say eight boys and their captain, and I am not a boy. Maybe I should take up frog hunting."

"You should definitely come with me next time. We could have a picnic and everything. Make an afternoon of it."

Lonnie smiled, showing perfect white teeth. Everyone here seemed to have incredible oral hygiene. My own had improved greatly since I started attending this school. "I would love to do that next time you go."

"Are you free this afternoon? After school?" I asked, copying her smile.

"I absolutely am."

"Wonderful, it's a date. I'll be right back, I need the bathroom. Don't go anywhere." Before she could say anything, I ran off, eager to get inside as fast as possible. I went so fast I didn't even realize that I had forgotten my hat.