Stars ||| ADOPTED BY SHANE DAWSON BOOK 2

August 23, 1994

Raven:
It's been a year. A whole year of happiness and a whole year of being mentally healthy. I've been clean for a year, but most importantly, Chris has been clean for nine months. As someone who's been through so much I am so proud of her.

Chris and I have been dating through the year and I'm pretty sure I want to marry her when I'm older. She's everything I want and everything I need. I don't know what love really is, but I feel like I'm pretty darn close to being in love with Chris. She's so gorgeous.

"Do you know it's bad to smoke?" I snap out of my thoughts, Chris's voice brings it to a hault. How in the hell did she get into my house?

"Help me up,dumbass." She yells. Her Carmel arms hang grasping the windowsill tightly. A glint of fear passes in her eyes,which amuses me.

I help her through the window, grabbing both arms and pulling her through. She falls on top of me to which she lets out a dramatic immature moan once made impact.

"You're so immature.." I say a smile crept on my lips.

" C'mon,babe, I'm funny!"

"Yeah and fucking hot."

My eyes lower to her plump,pink lips, to which a light blush creeps on her face. Her hazel green eyes lower to mine. I run my hair through her light brown hair,recently she just flat- ironed it.

"What, are we gonna fuck now?" I make a face at her immaturity. Her immaturity makes her so cute though.

I'm more lesbian than you,I should be in control.

A slight buzz from the back of my black jeans pocket interrupts my stubborn self to take control of the situation. I give Chris a slight kiss before she climbs off of me so I can see what the text is.

Mom

I turn off my phone before even reading the message. My mother is actually crazy, and I'm pretty sure Chris wants to fuck right now so..

"who was it?" She whispers. I shrug my shoulders and place my rolled up weed at the side of the windowsill. "My grandparents came over last night for dinner... I screwed my first impression up really bad. I flipped Morgan off in front of them, and got into an argument with my dad."

"Ryland?" I ask, before embracing her into a hug. It forcefully pushes her to my bed,me finally being on top. She nods. " yeah, he's a bitch."

We start to slowly kiss, the conversation completely gone. Chris runs her hands through my hair,whilst I straddle her. She lets out a little moan as I start to move my hips-

She tenses up. I brake the kiss, opening my eyes to see her breathing picking up. Did I trigger something in her? This is the farthest we've gone with each other because of her PTSD.

"Stop..." she whispers. I climb off of her and she sits up, criss crossed apple sauce. "S-sorry I'm such a pussy....I um..I feel so bad for not ever getting to get past.."

I hold her in my arms, her breathing slowly starting to go back to normal. "It's okay. We'll go at your pace, whatever feels comfortable to you."

"Thank you, I love you."

"I love you too."

I won't let anyone hurt you ever again.

-

Chris:

Don't do it, dont do it, don't do it..

My mother's thick brown leathered diary with an imprinted flower on the front rests in my hands. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to go back to the one part of my past that I missed so much?

I've just missed her so much. The guilt of her death haunts me,because I wonder if I was the last straw for her to kick the chair to her death.

This is bad. Stop going there, Chris.

However, my trembling hands match my trembling lips as I open to the first page. Fuck.

March 5th, 1981

My therapist told me to start journaling,because of all my stress from my marriage-

I flip a couple pages forward out of boredom. It's not the right one. I try to read one page a week so that I can try to understand my mother's life leading up to her suicide.

August 23rd, 1994

I love Charles..I really do. I just feel like he's more controlling lately, ever since the birth of  Nicole. I'm not aloud to go out after ten. If I'm having dinner or meeting up with my friends, he has to come. I can't go out the house without telling him where I'm going and showing him what I'm wearing, unless it's work. Maybe he just wants me to spend more time with Nicole. Or maybe he's scared of  me leaving him...

I feel a hot tear start to escape my eye. This was the very beginning of my father's abusive behavior. He needed control in the relationship so that he could take over and be the bigger person. This one entry was all foreshadowing of  his abusive behavior following shortly after.

I feel s soft hand cradle my cheek as I slowly close the book. I expect it to be one of my dads, but when I turn to the direction of the hand cradling my face, there was no one.

I freeze. My breathing starts to pick up. The hand slowly lifts off of my skin. I swear if this is one of Shane's demons, or Morgan's ghost, Angie, fucking with me..

"I love you." A voice says, so close to my ear that I could feel it's breath against my ear. It sounded like a woman, and it didn't take me too much time to realize who that voice belonged to.

My mother.

"I-I love you too.." A sense of security washes over me once I whisper the words. Except,before I could reach out or say more to my mother, I feel her presence slip away.

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A/N: Ik the story is getting off kind of boring, but next chapter is going to be where shit goes down.