Stars ||| ADOPTED BY SHANE DAWSON BOOK 2

Pussy

(A/N: yes this chapter is about pussy, but not like that. It's just been on my mind lol )

Morgan and I didn't do anything last night, other than play bingo in my room. The whole time, I found my thoughts drifting to Raven, and then it became harder to have fun spending time with Morgan.

I can't do this anymore.

I fake yawn and throw the remainder of my cards on my bed. "I'm tired."

"It's only ten.Usually we can pull an all nighter!what are you, a pussy?"

"No, but I like them."

Morgan laughs. A brief moment of silence goes by of me just resting my eyes, pretending to be exhausted. When really, I'm exhausted of smiling.

"Have you..ever," Morgan breaks the silence. "..you know..with Raven??"

Raven's hands slowly go down my body, closer and closer to-

My breath hitches and I flinch from her hand. A sob escapes my lips as the memories start to resurface in my brain. She stops immediately, engulfing me im a reassuring hug.

"I-I'm so,so sorry.." she whispers.

Morgan's icy, forever blue eyes bring me back to reality. Great, now I'm thinking of her again.

I nod, "we've tried to..except, we can't ever get past stage two, because of.." I fiddle with my sweatshirt strings. "Me..my brain just wont allow it. Maybe because of all the things that other people used to do to me, it can't distinguish the difference of me actually willing to do it with someone I love."

Morgan gives me a sympathetic look, engulfing me in a long hug. I don't cry, I just sink into it.

"Sorry for bringing it up." She says.

"It's fine." I pull away from the hug. "Want to watch peppa pig edits?"

Morgan laughs at the sudden change of mood, "bet."

Raven:

What the hell am I doing?

I stand at the very top of a parking deck, looking over Las Angeles. The effects of the weed slowly start to ease, and now I'm back into reality.

A tear escapes my eyes, as I take in what I was really about to do while I was high- I was about to kill myself. Not intentionally, I don't think, but by accident. Here, I seriously thought I could jump off this building on my longboard, and survive the deathly drop.

Maybe I really am messed up.

I dial my brother's number. I don't trust myself on the way back home. It's a thirty minute ride back on my longboard, and I can do a lot of self-destructive things in thirty minutes, just look at my scars on my wrists.

"P-Pick me up, dumb bitch." I tug my sweatshirt closer around my body, suddenly feeling cold and vulnerable, with the need to cover up.

I give him directions to where I'm at, and moments later, my brother arrives in his tiny black Toyota.

Issac stares at me once I get in the car. I cover myself up, turning the heat on, and glaring out the window.

I can't believe it...I can't believe it.

"What's wrong?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders.