Ours

14- Sunshine

My eyes open to Alexanders hair. The sun shining through my window makes his blonde hair glow gold, and I startle involuntarily as the next thought floats through my head;

'He's beautiful,'

I watch as Alexander shifts beside me and delicately, I reach out and grab his hand. He sighs. A few moments later, his eyes flicker open, finding mine.

I smile shyly. "Hi,"

His smile fades in and then out again as he remembers where he is. He sits up quickly, removing his hand from mine.

"Alexander?" I ask, propping myself up on my elbows to look at him. He stares ahead at the wall, shoulders hunched, breathing sharp. He seems to argue with himself for a moment before he nods, sliding out of bed. He stumbles over the air mattress, swearing under his breath as he waves his arms wildly, trying to regain his balance. Alexander stops as he reaches the door, looking as if he can't remember how to open it. I shift forward on the bed, the hole in my stomach deepening at the thought of him leaving. "Look, I'm sorry-"

"You're sorry?" He asks, genuine confusion colouring the first words he's said to me since the night before. "What..." He spins to face me, his eyes deep and pained. "What could you possibly be sorry for?"

"I don't know, I mean," I gesture at the space between us. "I thought-"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Alexander says softly. He glances down my clothes that he's wearing. "I... I shouldn't have done this. I knew you weren't..." His hands move uncomfortably at his sides as if he's trying to find something solid to hold onto. I know how he feels.

"Alexander, listen," I say, "If I implied that I was uncomfortable with you, or that I don't want you around... That's not true. You don't have to apologize for staying over. You were in no way intruding. I want to help you. I want you to talk to me. Please don't think that I don't want you around. Because I do, I... I really do."

Alexander stares at me for a minute, as if trying to work through everything I've just said. He nods, a sheepish smile taking up his face as he moves towards me, one hand extended. "Thanks, I just... last night really messed with my head. And I guess I didn't want that to worry you." Before I can tell him that he didn't worry me, not until he tried to run away, Alexander pulls me up by my hand.

I trip over the air mattress as he did, but I don't regain my balance. I stumble, falling backwards onto the mattress, pulling Alexander down on top of me.

Alexander swears again, laughing as he tries to find his balance on the unstable surface. He rolls off of me so we're lying side by side, our hands still clasped between us. The sun shines on our faces, the light warm and glowing. An idea strikes me. "Do you want to go do something?"

"Like what?"

"Let's go for a walk."

~

Something about nature after a thunderstorm always calms me down. The thunder has passed, and the calm after the storm is healing. A freshness in the air, the evaporation of the lingering dampness, the reassuring chatter from the birds telling us that they're still here. Saturday mornings, too, always leave me feeling happier than normal. The sun on Saturday mornings is like a liquid, pooling into puddles along the ground, casting everything in a coppery light.

Alexander and I pass through the park we went to on our first date, holding hands once again. The wind chills our linked fingers, but together- with the thick Saturday morning sunlight pooling down around us- we stay warm.

The forest grows denser the further we walk, the path becoming shadowed, only small beams of light breaking through the leaves about. Sparse sunlit puddles turn into a pattern that covers the gravelled lane as the canopy of trees thickens above and around us. I notice a break in the bushes lining the edge of the path, and stop to look closer at it, Alexander stopping beside me. It looks like an animal carved it, but through closer inspection, I can see human footprints in the wet ground.

"Come on," I pull Alexander after me, the low hanging bushes brushing against our ankles and making them wet with leftover raindrops.

"Micheal, do you have any idea where you're leading us?" 

"Nope!" I glance behind my shoulder with a grin, seeing Alexander smiling back. The new path slowly winds away from the old, and soon enough we're standing in the middle of the forest. Glancing in all directions, I see nothing but trees around us. The earth all around us is damp, and I feel a drop of water hit my head as it cascades down from the treetops above. I turn to face Alexander again, pulling him closer by our hands. "Look," I start, gazing at our joined hands. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. If it's not my place, then it's not my place. But I want you to know that I'm here for you. I need you to know that."

"I do," He says, and I meet his eyes. His glasses reflect the green foliage around us, but I can still see his eyes through the lenses. The light around us turns them a lighter shade of brown, like caramel chocolate. The closer I get, the more detail I can see in them. "I know that."

"What happened last night, Alexander?" I sigh. 

This time Alexander looks down at our intertwined fingers, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. "I'm sorry," He says again.

"Don't be sorry," I plead, "Just talk to me. If you can, please."

"It's not a big deal. I- I just got scared. That's all," He tells me at last. "I think I was in shock. And I'm sure it's fine now." I wait for him to continue, looking at his lowered head expectantly, his hair falling over the frame of his glasses, the hood of my sweater that he's still wearing falling over his hair. "My roommate just got a little drunk. And he... locked me out. It's fine, he was just being an idiot. I only had my phone and I didn't know what to do. It was raining, I was confused, I didn't have a place to stay. I wasn't thinking when I called you, I should have called someone from the theatre, someone closer. It was a lot to ask."

I brush the hair out from his eyes gently, until he looks at me again. "I'm glad you called me," I tell him. "I'm your boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with us spending a night together." His lips twitch a little at that. "Besides, if you hadn't... well, I might not have been able to do this now."

I lean forward carefully, and our lips brush again. Alexanders hands tighten on mine for a second before he drops them, deciding to pull me closer instead. I push his hood off of his head, my arms linking behind his neck. Alexander presses his forehead against mine, and I can feel him smiling as we stand in the woods, our kiss a secret to everyone in the world but us.