thoughts at 4 am

BeLIEve

i think ive gotten pretty good at lying
to myself
mostly about:
relationships
love
trust
or
what i like to call
the three tiered triangle of disappointment

i think ive gotten pretty good at lying
to myself
convincing myself:
that he was no good for me
that i didn't need him in the first place
that i didn't need to talk to him everytime, all the time
that i was the one that let go
that i was never emotionally attached
that i was the one that gave him permission to break my heart
but
i digress
afterall, im pretty good at lying, aren't i?

i think ive gotten pretty good at lying
to myself
the best part is
that im truly convinced that i like to be alone
everytime, all the time
its true
i do value my privacy
i revel in the quietest moments
ive even found myself at peace with silence
but its
the words at the tip of my tongue
that want to spill out
but cannot
because my lips refuse to part

that gets me
that makes me wonder
am i really happy being alone
everytime, all the time?
or
am i just
beLIEving
all the lies ive been telling myself?