thoughts at 4 am

phase complete

there are days where you occupy my mind
not only from when i wake up to when i lie down, but in my dreams too
there are days where
i miss you
&
i love you
and days where
i hate you
&
wish i never met you
these days the latter is mostly where the healing resides
...
i miss the comfort of having you there, i finally had my own person
you helped silence out the noise that ran rampant in my mind
with you, i experienced emotions and feelings i never knew i could have
you brought me joy
you brought me laughter
you brought me comfort
you brought me happiness
you brought me confidence
but
you also brought me
grief
sadness
heartbreak
this shattering feeling resides in my chest
a hopeless feeling or knowing this is the end of a journey i never wanted to close
....
i unfollowed you from all social media
i threw out everything that reminds me of you
the cards
the flowers
the photos
an out of sight, out of mind type of thing
you threw away our friendship so i threw away the memories of you
...
there are days where i wake up missing you
& today
today is one of those days