" Jack, do you think I've changed?" I ask warily. What Anna said earlier has been circling my mind, I don't know what she meant. I don't feel any different, I love all the same people and all the same things and I hate all the same things and all the same people. I don't feel any different about anything so why doesn't Anna think I've gone?
" what do you mean?" He asks.
" well, after I beat up Hans today.."
" you beat up Hans?!" He bursts.
" what? You beat up Andy"
" that wasn't beating up that was punching him in the face. I wondered what had happened to Hans when I saw him in the nurses room, he looked as if he was going to die"
" but he deserved it" I mumble.
" Elsa, that was a bit extreme. There are loads of better ways to deal with it"
" so do you think I've changed?" He looks at me in my eyes.
" you won't beat me up will you?" He smirks.
" can you just answer the fucking question" I say anger rising through my body. Jack looks taken aback by my sudden outburst. " sorry" I mumble. Looking to the floor.
" I don't think your the girl you used to be" he whispers so it's barely audible. He then got up and walked away. How am I not the girl I used to be? I don't get it. What have I done? How have I changed? I need answers and I don't know who to turn to. I wish I hadn't asked him though because now I've missed my moment of confession. It's killing me that he doesnt know, the bottle is too full and about to burst. I need to tell him. But when?
I trudge home half an hour later. It's dark and the stars are appearing in the black sky. The moon reflects brightly and I stop in my tracks to admire it. So bright and beautiful, but then it's also dark and mysterious. Everybody has two sides of their personality, the bright side and the dark side, we are all like the moon. We hide when someone is better than us, we are noticed when there is nothing else to see, or we are more interesting than the things around us. We all hide our dark secrets and dark personalities but what if mine is revealing itself? What if my bright side is hiding? I shake my head of the thought and carry on walking through the night.
The streets are empty, deserted of life. All the souls sleeping happily inside the houses, couples sleeping in each others arms,Children in the arms of toys, teenagers holding their phones because they've fallen asleep messaging someone. Everybody has something or someone apart from me. The abnormality, the person who never quite fits in anywhere. I'm kind of used to it now.
I enter the house, all is quiet. I try to shut the door quietly without success. It sqeuaks louldy and the click if the lock echoes through the house.
" Elsa, where have you been? I've been so worried" Anna says in an irritated hushed voice.
" just thinking why Im walking the earth" I sigh.
" what are you talking about?" She asks in concern confused at what I said.
" I was thinking about life. Do you really think I've changed?"
" I just don't think you react to things like you used to, it's like you've become more... violent" she explains.
" y-you think I'm ...violent?" I choke out, a knot in my thraught preventing my voice from coming out, my tears welling up in my eyes. I don't want to be violent, I don't want to hurt people. That's not who I am, but its becoming who I am and I don't want that. I want to go back. I want to go back to when everything was simple, when I didn't have to worry about who I am, how I look or that I'm going to hurt someone with ice. I look at my right hand in horror.I'm a monster, all I will do is ruin people's lives. Maybe it would have been better if I had died. Everyone would be safe. The tears overflow and stream down my face. I run up stairs and I can hear Anna screaming after me, not caring about waking the others. I can't hear what she says, no matter how loud she shouts it's all a blur, my negative thoughts blocking out the vibrations.
I enter my room and slam the door shut with my back against it. With my head in my hands I sink down into the seemingly never ending pit of despair.
" I'm sorry mum. I tried. I tried to fight, I've tried so hard but I can't do it. I've been beaten, I'm sorry" I cry at the roof. I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I pick up the spare razor head from a shelf in the wall and break it up into tiny blades, holding one between my fingers.
" I'm sorry" I whisper as I slice it into my arm.
O-o
Poor Elsa :'(
Sorry for the short chapter, just wanted the sort of cliffhanger.
If you are offended or upset by anything in this story (self-harm or bullying) you can message me through inbox and I will support you if you want to talk. I'm always here by your side. Forever.
So thats the serious note done, what do you think? Is it too you know, depressing?
May be updating again today, depends upon how long it is.
Shout out to elsaxoriginal for the idea of Hans bullying Anna. Thank you xx
Dedicated to elsaxoriginal xx
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A not so typical teen love story (jelsa)
FanfictionElsa has never really had any friends apart from her sister but when Jack arrives at school everything changes. She trusts him with everything, even her theory that their parents weren't in a accident but they were murdered... by their aunt! (sorry...
