My Happily Never After (On Going)

Chapter 13 - Let The Pain Remain

"This has been a cycle right from the start.
where every single turn
is like a stab in my heart...
I see you, and for some reason i know
this really is worth fighting for..."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dashiel's POV

"Wala akong di kayang gawin para sayo." I spoke to her like she's awake. "I never thought I can love this much. Hindi ko na explain kung gaano kita kamahal and that's even beyond the saying that when you truly love someone you will never have a reason or an explanation for it. All I know is that I'm lost whenever you go. I love you so... So much that it hurts. Kung natatatooan lang ang puso pinatatoo ko na mukha mo.hahaha... Tang ina kahit nga mag mukha na akong third wheel sa inyo just for a moment na mahawakan kita, makausap, mayakap. For years, I've allowed myself to fall for a long time i did it all. holding on to a hope that you will one day reach for my hand and together we'll face the world who wouldn't understand... I know it was a stupid move. Because I know Tim will never let you go. He is my best friend I know. I should not be having thoughts like this for the girl she loves. I thought the most painful thing for me is for you not to love me. But I realized the hardest this to do is watch the one you love, love someone else." I poured my heart out. Tumingala ako cause I felt that familiar sting in the corner of my eyes. I filled my chest with air. Fuck. I'm crazy for this girl. Natawa ako ng maalala ko ang better than sex cake mo. I think my sanity flew out of the window cause I was hopeful. I hoped for you to be pregnant and like all prince charmings I will come and rescue you. I never knew the meaning of despair until that moment. I forgot my best buddy is in a hospital bed which is just an inch away from me fighting for his life for you. I'm a motherfucking bastard and my soul will be lost in eternal damnation. I should just be the one in that bed at least the pain will be lesser for you. I'm willing to trade places with Tim anytime if that means I'd see you smile. Yellow was on the radio. I remember the time I confessed to you...

Your 15th birthday...

Today is the day...

I had been hiding my feelings for you for a decade now.

I had decided to confess to you.

I was always convinced that I'm okay with loving you in silence, in my own way. You are Tim's and Tim is yours. but a week before that faithful day Tim bought an engagement ring. He plans to propose to you. He told me he was sealing your destiny cause you are always destined for him. And I believed that, all my life I did believe that. I have always respected that fact. But when he bought that Harry Winston ring my world turned upside down. It felt so wrong. I realized I couldn't loose you forever to him without a try. No! I'm not going down without a fight. Inaiimagine ko ang eksena sa kasalang napapanood ko sa TV kung saan sinasabi ng mga pari ang katagang "If anyone of you knows a reason why this too shouldn't be married speak now or forever hold your peace." eh ako ang unang tatayo at mag wawala. Ang best man ang unang tutol sa kasal. Hindi naman siguro ako ang una at lalong hindi ako ang natatanging best man na in love sa bride. I always thought of them selfish to ruin their wedding days but now I understand them. I realize that the worst kind of feeling in this life is not not getting what you want but regret not trying. And so I decided to talk to you. Pero hindi nilubayan ni Tim. Ang Plano ay dalhin ka sa wack wack golf and country club. Since dad and I are members it wasn't a trouble to ask that I get a space near the fountain. She will be celebrating her sweet16 here anyways but it's not much of a party she gets bored in one. It's just an intimate get together.

I went back inside and she was right there in the middle with her friends laughing. She's wearing a black dress. She's really odd pinag awayan pa nila ng mommy nya ang dress nya. Tita doesn't want black cause she said its the color of death. Pero sa huli sya pa din ang nanalo. She looks awesome.

My love...

Naramdaman kong may umakbay sakin.

"Breath taking isn't she?" I looked at him. He was looking at her like an idiot. A love sick puppy.

"Yeah." I answered turning my head towards her looking just like him probably.

She stood up and walked towards Tim with a big smile plastered on her face. That look she was giving Tim is the same looking I'm yearning to get from her. Agad nya itong niyakap ng makalapit sya. She buried her face on his chest. I bit my lips hard until I tasted blood. Kinakabahan ako. Sa sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko pakiramdam ko lalabas ang puso ko. She turned to me.

"Hey Dash, handsome as ever. Your looking dapper." I smiled at that.

"Happy birthday." Idiot! I wanted to say how awesome she looked yet like a schoolboy asked by his teacher but has no answer, that was all I managed to say.

"Thank you. Come I'll introduce you to my friends." She took my hand and like always whenever we touched I felt my heart stopped for a second.

"Baby. Ako di mo papakilala?" I made a face at how Tim inquired with that fucking puppy face.

"Kilala ka na nilang lahat. Di pa nga kita pinapakilala nag pakilala ka na." She laughed at him. Hawak nya parin ang kamay ko. I held her tight.

Why do I desire thing which will destroy me in the end?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry late....

Please do listen to do song it's about unrequited love...

For Team Dasteph

I'll post another update later!

xoxo
Aphrodite