Santi POV
"Kat," I look at her confused, trying to understand. My heart unprepared for her next words.
"What is it?" I ask.
"What is this? What are we doing? I don't know where we're going, Santi." My stomach sinks the moment her words reach my ears. It seemed like what you hear before you hear the words I feared hearing from her most.
I don't know if I can do this, Santi.
My breathe hitches with the fear. I've always felt a little more invested but I didn't care because when we talked about the future, our future, we we're on the same page. Something wasn't right. There's no way she knew. I bite back the urge to tell her I know she's lying. I can see it in her eyes. She's been hiding something.
I was hiding something wasn't I? Not that I knew the full truth either. I didn't want to. I feared it would break something in our relationship. Again.
I push that thought away and do the best thing I can think of right now... I pull her into my arms hugging her tightly.
"Okay."
She'll tell me when she's ready. Right now I'll give her time and respect that.
I'll wait and if she doesn't tell me what's going soon I'll check in with Julia.
********
The following morning I sit at my desk at work distracted, leaning forward and running my hands through my hair for the fifth time. An hour at work has barely passed and I'm still staring at the engine design in front of me, my mind unfocused. I pull out the ring box in my backbag and stare at it. I close my eyes sighing, and replay my conversation with Cecilia three days ago at some cafe downtown.
°°°°°°°
"Carmen me envió un mensaje, quiere hablar contigo. Recuerdas esa noche...(Carmen texted me, she wants to talk to you. You remember that night....)" Cece says.
"¿Por qué Carmen quiere verme? And yeah, que lo dijiste hace dos meses la noche que salimos. No sucedió nada. (Why does Carmen want to see me? yeah, you told me this 2 months ago the night we went out. Nothing happened.)" I laugh.
Her face is full of guilt and shame. "I didn't tell you everything."
"¿Qué estás diciendo? (What are you saying?)"
"Lo siento. It's just...I'm sorry. I don't want to lie to you anymore especially after everything you did for me. I didn't know why Carmen told me to do it... She said it would show Eli that I was with someone else and he'd leave me alone. That's why I did it even if it didnt work." She says slowly.
"¿Eli? ¿Me acosé con alguien esa noche? (Did I sleep with anyone that night?) " I hate myself for asking the question because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to.
"No sé. Tal vez. (I don't know. Maybe.) Con (with) Carmen-"
"¡No!" I wave my hand shaking my head.
"Éste... no puedo hacer esta mierda en este momento. (This... I can't do this shit right now.)" I get up.
I don't want to know. We just moved past this.
"I'm sorry, Santi." She replies apologetically reach out to touch me my arm.
"Don't touch me." My tone hard from anger.
"¡Eres egoísta! (You're selfish!) You're only telling me now because you're tired of this secret you had with Carmen! ¡Cuatro años! Te conté lo que pasó con Kat. ¡Lo importante que era para mí! 4 years! I told you about Kat. How important she was to me?!) Now almost 8 years you want a clear conscience!" She looks down ashamed.
YOU ARE READING
Her love
Romantizm"Yes Papi!" I tease... "Damn Kat, if you keep talking like that I'm gonna have a hard time leaving!" He laughs and comes up behind me, placing both his hands on either side of the sink. I turn coming face-to-face with his chest and dropping the spon...
