Rewind Reverie

I'm With You All Again

The emotions hit me all at once. I slap my hand over my mouth as I shudders, wrecked with sobs. 

So this is it. 

It's really happening. 

I didn't dream this. I know where I am. I know why I am here.

I'm here for my second chance. And that also means...

"Finn, are you okay? Are you crying in there?" The minute I hear the voice, my body crackles, pure, raw electricity.  It's really him, isn't it? "Do you I need to go get - "

I don't let him finish. I rush out of the bathroom and I throw my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as I can. I don't have to see him to know that he's probably confused right now. But that doesn't matter. He can think that I'm crazy all he wants.

I'm just so happy that he's in my arms again.

"Whoa, easy there Mouse."  I don't need to see him to know that I've thrown him for a loop. "Did you hit your head that hard? You never hug me!"

I don't say anything.  I just keep hugging him, telling myself to stop crying before he thinks I'm crazy, unable to stop crying completely because I'm just so overjoyed to see him alive once more.  There is so much I want to say but I'm too emotional form any concrete words.  

Was he always so handsome? Yes. A face like a model. That's what we all say. Chiseled with a structure that prompted all of us to call him "model boy". And then the eyes - sweet and kind yet piercing and intense. Hazel is already an eye color that screams "look at me". Add to that his slender yet fit physique.  His hair was somewhere between curly and wavy and it was usually a mess.  But it didn't matter.  He looks so gorgeous that it kind of hurts to look at him sometimes.

"This is not what I expected from you today, but I'm not complaining."  Ari pulls me a little bit closer before ruffling my hair as though I were an adorable puppy. Oh yeah...he loved to do that to me.  Ruffle my hair.  He probably expects me to swat his hand away and remind him that I'm a grown woman, not a dog.  But I relish every sensation. I'm glad to feel his fingers entwined in my hair. Especially since I never thought I'd feel this way again.  "You're letting me mess with your hair, too?  Are you sure you're okay, Finn?"

"I'm fine.  I've never been better." It feels like I've awakened from a long, winding nightmare, happy to discover that I've returned to the light in one piece. "I'm just really happy to see you, Ari."

"Do me a favor and be happy to see me more often." I hide my disappointment as we break apart. My eyes give him the once, twice, three times over. My heart flutters the joy of being reunited with something that you didn't realize meant so much to you. Someone. "Just don't hit your head again, okay?"

"I'll do my best," I say, patting my head. Now that I have this chance to make things right, I won't make the same mistakes every again.   But I have to try to act as natural as possible.  Never mind that I feel anything but natural or normal.  "I, er, I'm sorry if I'm freaking you."

"It's all good." He scratches his head as a small flourish of crimson spreads across his cheeks. "Anyway, lets get you to the cafeteria now, okay?  Sadie and Lauren are waiting for us."

"Sadie...and Lauren."   My heart feels so full.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten who they are?"  He sounds genuinely terrified.

"No, no, I haven't."  I will have no tears left to cry by the end of this night.   "How could I forget my two best friends in the entire world?"

As we head into the cafeteria, I can barely contain myself. I can feel Ari look at me as though I've been replaced with an alien or a humanoid robot. He's not wrong. I may be 28 again, but my knowledge extends way beyond that. It's a crass explanation, but it's like my 56 year old soul was transplanted into my 28-year-old body.