Rewind Reverie

Say What Now?

It's a full house in Lotteria tonight.  Whether to watch or to cheer a contestant on, everyone is here for the contest.   Unless you're one of the VIPs, it's standing room only.  Our group, Kason's group, and Aria's group luck out because of the contest.  We get our own booths so we can cheer our chosen contestant on.  Of course, it is strongly suggested that we drink while cheering and if possible, partaking of the bar's more expensive libations.

Gotta make that money somehow, I guess.

The drinks are pouring, the contestants are singing their hearts out, and everyone is having a good time.  

Everyone except me.  

Sadie is not happy with me.  

Sadie is not happy at all.  But she's definitely not happy with me.

"I can't believe you knew that some chick was going to ambush this contest and didn't tell me."  I'd really like to know what her skin routine is.  Her face should have been permanently etched with a fierce scowl already.  "I thought we were cool."

"Ari told me not to tell you and I was still mad about you smarting off in the lunchroom earlier."  I suppose once upon a time I would have been sorry.  I wouldn't have kept the secret in the first place.  But the more she gets on my nerves, the less apologetic I feel.  "Besides, it's not a big deal.  It's just another person to grind under those four-inch heels, right?"

"That's not the point!  You should have told me!  As my roommate, you are obligated not to piss me off"

"Really?  Well, I hope you remember that the next time you start running your mouth about stuff you don't know a damn thing about."  My words are just like my bangs - blunt. 

"What the hell?" Sadie looks at me like proverbial deer in headlights. I wonder if she'll ask me if I need to get my head checked again.  "What is your problem, Finn?  You're never like this."

"I don't have a problem at all."  I peer at her with the same mischievous smile she gave me earlier.  "I'm just being honest."

"Hey, hey, easy there ladies!"  Lauren places a hand on each of our arms, offering a kind smile.  "Let's not fight.  We're all here to have fun tonight, aren't we?"

"Of course we are."  I throw Sadie a wink.  "We're here to cheer you on, Sadie.  That hasn't changed."

"But you have!" Sadie spits it out like an insult, but I just roll my eyes.  It can't insult me if it's the truth.  "Acting all tough and sassy all because you hit your head."

"Or maybe I just don't appreciate people trying to put one over on me.  After all, a doormat gets worn out eventually.  Besides, aren't you the one who told me to grow a spine?"

Sadie growls as she slides out the booth.  She glares at me in contempt.  "I'm taking a walk.  I don't need this foolishness when I have a contest to win."

I watch as Sadie stalks off toward the bar.  I sigh, sliding down in the booth.  Standing up for myself is already kinda scary.  Standing up to Sadie more so.

"She's gonna be mad for a while," Lauren sighs, shaking her head.

"Let her be.  It's kind of her default anyway."  Also, I'm glad for the chance to breathe.  "She'll be all right."

"Yeah."  Lauren's eyes dart over to the booth next to us.  "At least Ari looks like he's having a good time."

"Huh?" I wish I didn't allow my eyes to drift over to the next table.  I wish I remembered that Ari is sitting with Nessa, supporting her in her effort to become the so-called karaoke queen.  Nessa looks cozy, sitting so close to him, all smiles.  I feel like I'm gonna be sick.  "Oh...yeah."

Ari is oblivious to my discomfort.  Why would he be?  Nessa has all of his attention, smiling a flashy perfect smile deserving of a toothpaste ad.  Or maybe one for a dentist's office.  Or maybe she's better off being the perfect model for a hair care product.  Even under the black lights her strawberry blonde hair just seems so lush and perfect as she flirtatious twirls it around her pretty little finger.  Ari just seems to be at ease with her, enjoying her company.  I should be happy to see him so happy.  Instead, my chest feels tighter than ever.

"I know he said they're just friends and all but she seems to like him a lot."  Lauren is oblivious to my internal struggles.  "They haven't stopped talking since they sat down in the booth.  That's a good sign, right?" 

"I guess."  When Nessa playfully swipes at him, my chest feels even tighter.  "I'm not exactly the best person to talk about this sort of thing."

The announcer, in a purple sequin jacket that would make a Vegas MC green with envy, takes that very moment to announce that contest is about to begin.  I silently give thanks to his impeccable timing as Nessa scoots from the booth, throwing one last smile to Ari before going with the other contestants.  Before I can take a moment to breathe, I catch that familiar rat in the corner of my eye.  Wesley stands by the bar with his suited friends, scanning the crowd.   Probably looking for me, but is it wrong for me to hope that he's looking for someone else.  "Damn it.  It never ends, does it?"

All eyes are on stage as the contest begins.  From the jump, you can tell this isn't about pandering to the crowd or having fun.  Everyone here has a powerful voice and everyone is in it to win.  Nessa, Kason, and Sadie don't hold back one bit.  Kason might be tall and stocky, but his falsetto is enough to make me swoon.  Sadie is the quintessential pop princess - a sweet but powerful voice coupled with an amazing stage presence.  

But neither of them is prepared for the powerhouse that is Nessa.  Not only did she have an amazing voice, she had the commanding stage presence to back it up.  Singing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood, she all but warned every man in the audience of the consequences of infidelity.

The applause was so thunderous, I wonder if I'll actually lose my hearing.

Nessa rushes back to her booth, where all her friends give her big hugs.  Even Ari gets in on the action, offering her a hug of his own.  It's friendly enough but the whole scene makes my blood boil.  I hate that it does but here we are.  I'm not "mildly" jealous - I'm checking my skin because I'm quite certain that it'll turn green any moment now.

"You know what, I think I need to grab a drink," I say as I slide away from the booth.

"But you can just order something here!" Confusion marks Lauren's face.  "Why would you..."

"I just want to, okay?  I'll be right back."

I push my way through the crowds, focused on the exit.  I don't know whether to me be superficially mad at Ari for letting Nessa get so close to him for be genuinely angry at myself for being a jealous cow.  I don't know what to think anymore.  All these emotions swirling inside me, seeing things I didn't see or willfully ignored the first time around.  Maybe before, I simply just glanced at the surface and accepted things at face value.  My future husband was a cad but that didn't stop me from going after him.  And Ari was an annoying punk with a crush who wouldn't leave me alone.

Wesley is still a cad.  I've allowed myself to see that much.  But Ari...there so much that I never allowed myself to see.  I kept my eyes firmly on the surface, refusing to see more.  Not because I didn't want to see more but because I was afraid to.

I always thought that these...whatever it is I feel for Ari, I thought it was something new.  But now I'm not so sure...

The booming voice of the announcer fills the bar just as I reach the entrance.  "And now, for our final contestant - a last minute entry, but of course, we've saved the best for last.  Will Finn Scott please come to the stage?"

There could be a ton of people named "Finn Scott" in this place.  Some strapping young man could rush up from the bad, filled with liquid confidence, ready to sing his heart out.  But I know better.  When I turn around, I feel like every person in the bar is looking right at me.  And as I see Sadie off in the distance, a mischievous smile on her face, I know that I've been called out.

And yet I'm still can't believe what's happening.  "Say what now?!"