Josephine "Finn" Harwood has lived a frustrated life. Her husband never loved her. Friends and family are non-existent. She has lived much of her life in affluent solitude. On the night of her 56th birthday, she decides to end her marriage and make...
Dinner ends on a quiet note. I finish my meal, give my dad a hug and a kiss and tell my mom I'll see them later. Then, I get the hell out of that house. As I rush down the street, I can just imagine my mom dramatically wailing to my dad about how an irrational daughter I am and how horrible I am for being so rude.
"Why is she so mean?" she'd sniffle as my dad offered her his handkerchief. "All I want is what's best for her! Why can't see that?"
Did she want me to see it before or after I cracked my skull against the stairs?
I plop down on a nearby bench, waiting for a cab is to pick me up. I want to scream, throw things, curse, and vomit. Not necessarily in that order. But all I can manage to do is sit still. I'm just...too shocked to react.
My mind drifts back to my wedding day. It was a grand affair on my dad's dime - luxury hotel, lavish reception, expensive wedding favors, the works. My mom would have told you that it was the happiest day of my life. But I was just a shell. I wasn't present for any part of it . Ari's death still haunted me and I felt like the worst kind of person, taking part in this so-called "joyous occasion" when he would never to get celebrate with family or friends ever again.
"Josie, this is your wedding day! You should be happy!" I wish I hadn't told my mom that Ari had been on my mind. She didn't hesitate to use him against me. When I think about it now, I just want to burst. "Don't let his death ruin everything. You're about to get everything you wanted and more! Your friend would want you to be happy about marrying the man of your dreams!"
I get it now. My mother has always been willing to sell me to the devil for social clout. It sounds horrific because it is.
The cab pulls up after ten minutes and I throw myself into the backseat, mumbling my address to the driver as he pulls off. But I'm not really there. I'm trapped inside my mind, fighting the urge to hate my mother while begging myself not to give into decades worth of pent-up rage.
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It's just after 7:30 in the evening when I come home to an empty house. That's not odd. Lauren spends every other weekend visiting her parents up north in Sidney Hills. I think I remember Sadie saying something about spending the night with her mom, who lives with her long-time boyfriend near downtown.
I have the house to myself. At least until Sunday. Maybe til tomorrow evening.
For a while, I just sit in my room in silence. My past life with my parents whirls by and I realize how much influence my mom had over my life. Her desire for clout colored everything. It's why I went to private instead of public schools. It's why I had to sit through boring lunches at the chi-chi country club on Sundays. It's why all my friends had to get her seal of approval.
"Darling, you can't be seen with just anybody," she'd told me. "You should always give your time to people who can help you get ahead in the future."
